Mar
10
Madison Area Technical College
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Yesterday I spoke in beautiful Madison, WI to a room full of students and campus police. It was a lunchtime event, and let me tell you – nothing goes better with a sandwich than a good ol’ can o’ whoop-ass. And whoop we did. My scary bad guy, Evan, was a gentle soul who didn’t quite know the “right way” to mock attack me on stage. Fear not, Evan…I actually find it quite refreshing when men aren’t skilled at the predatory take-down. Big thanks to Cherry and the entire PAC for organizing and publicizing the event for so many weeks!
Feb
21
AFLV and NACA
Filed Under Erin Weed's Blog, Public Speaking, Social Entrepreneurship | Leave a Comment
Last week was wild, and I’m just now recovering. First learning point: I can’t run around the the country like I used to! My journey began in St. Louis at the Association of Fraternal Leadership and Values conference, where I was asked to give our new Greeks Fight Back program to fraternity and sorority leaders. It was late on the first day of their arrival, so everyone was a little tired. But it’s amazing how much people perk up when you start throwin’ eye jabs.
While I was at AFLV, I saw some awesome people and good friends. I was especially excited to spend some quality time with my friend and creator of Response Ability, Mike Dilbeck. Response Ability is an exciting new program that addresses bystander behavior of college students. I think his message is incredibly important because it affects most problems facing our campus communities today from drinking to violence to eating disorders. It’s so easy to say “It’s none of my business” and not get involved…Mike challenges that and I really admire the film he produced, and the movement he started as a result of it.
I left St. Louey and flapped my wings to Boston for a big conference I’ve been looking forward to for a very long time. It was the annual convention of the National Association of Campus Activities, and this year I was selected for the lecture showcase. Now I’m not sure how many hundreds or thousands of speakers apply for the 14 coveted slots. All I can tell you is that when I got the news last Fall that I’d been chosen, I was driving and had to pull over on the side of the highway because I was doing the happy-shreik-cry-scream-hyperventilate thing…and it just wasn’t safe for me to be operating a vehicle at that time. So needless to say, this was a big deal and a huge honor. *bow*
NACA is the most glorious little fun-land, time-warp, freak-show circus with some of the most interesting and inspiring people. Case in point, the Lectures Showcase I was part of on Monday morning. Here was the line-up, each of us having 15 minutes to present our program’s most interesting highlights. (Which by the way, is the absolute hardest thing for a speaker to do…especially those of us accustomed to having 90 minutes to yap our trap!) First up was Teri Nicolai, a victim of domestic violence whose ex-husband kidnapped her, sealed her inside a garbage can partially packed with snow and left her in an unheated storage unit. Her miraculous story of survival and strength was so inspiring. Next was Dan Clark, who you may better recognize as “Nitro” from American Gladiators. One of my childhood heroes, me and Nitro became buddies and I’m hoping one day to jaust him. (He was undefeated on the show in this event.) I spoke after Nitro – and what a rush! Over a thousand people in attendance, and so little time – a no-fail formula for sweaty pits. After me, Blake Mycoskie spoke. He’s the founder of Tom’s Shoes and in my opinion, one of the greatest social entrepreneurs of all time! For each pair of Tom’s Shoes you buy, the company donates a pair to a child in need. Genius. After Blake, my dear friends Shawn Decker and Gwenn Barringer took the mic, speaking about their marriage (and sex life) with Shawn being HIV positive (or as he calls it, being a “positoid”) and Gwenn being HIV negative. If you want to read one of the greatest books ever, check out My Pet Virus – written by Shawn. Memoirs about growing up with HIV are not normally described as “hilarious,” this one is. Read it and get ready to pee your pants.
Anyway, there were more speakers but I’ll stop there. You see what I mean – just awesome, inspiring people with messages that can really make this world a better place. It was an honor to be part of it. I was in Boston for about 5 days total, having a blast and working the Girls Fight Back booth along with GFB speaker, Megan. The final night, Megan and I took a picture with another childhood hero of mine, Dennis Haskins – better known as Mr. Belding from “Saved by the Bell.” Way to end this conference on a high note…thumbs up all around!
Feb
2
Big Hairy Scary Things
Filed Under Erin Weed's Blog, Peace & Happiness | 3 Comments
Each year, I try to do something that scares me – I call it a “Big Hairy Scary Thing.” (BHST) Now I’m not talking about “haunted house” or “Brazilian wax” sort of scary. It’s got to be something that actually makes you better, helps overcome a limiting belief or teaches you something from the experience. While writing this post, I realized I’ve been doing this for ten years now – ever since graduating college. Here is a concise list of the past 10 years of my self-inflicted terror:
2000 – Moved from the cozy confines of my parents’ house in Chicago to Hoboken, NJ. Got a job working in broadcasting in New York City. Moved in with my boyfriend and horrified my God-lovin’ mother by doing so. Learned that you reach an age where your parents actually don’t know best anymore, as much as they’d like to disagree. (I love you Mom!)
2001 – Fear pretty much summed up the year 2001, and my BHST was to learn to fight with some of the best self-defense experts in the world. Shannon McNamara was murdered in June, followed by the fall of the Twin Towers that September. I commuted into the World Trade Center every day at the time, and fate made me late for work that day. I learned to grieve, to feel fear, and to not be paralyzed by it.
2002 – Quit my job at Miramax Films. Decided to officially incorporate Girls Fight Back, and begin speaking professionally as a full-time career. Learned that starting a business is one of the biggest, hairiest things a person can do! Also learned that most people fear public speaking more than death itself, but thankfully that was not the case for me. Otherwise 2002 would have brought a lot more pit stains.
2003 – Did a national TV appearance, in front of a live studio audience. I was a guest on the John Walsh Show on NBC (watch it here), and almost peed my pants. Did a few more interviews in 2003. Learned that sometimes big, hairy, scary things tend to become less intimidating the more you face them. In 2003 I also faced Shannon’s murderer in a 2-week murder trial. It still reigns as the worst two weeks of my life. I learned the incredible power of friends and family who rally around a loved one…even when that loved one is gone.
2004 – Got married. (Not so scary – but certainly significant.) Was offered a book deal with a top publisher in New York. Decided to walk away from it, since the terms gave me no control of final edits (including Shannon’s story). Then got sued by my book agent for a multitude of long-winded reasons. After settling, decided to give the middle finger to the book publishing industry and self-published instead. Learned that sometimes, you just gotta do things yourself. (Except when it comes to contracts – always have a lawyer look at those.) Also learned how lucky I was (still am) to have a partner so supportive of my mission. Surround yourself with people who believe in you!
2005 – Wrote my book: Girls Fight Back! The College Girl’s Guide to Protecting Herself. It was a new, second version that was totally on my own terms. For ADHD people like myself, this is beyond big, hairy and scary! I set a deadline of Cinco de Mayo, and rewarded myself with a top shelf margarita when I accomplished it. I learned that trusting intuition (even when it leads you down a more difficult path) is the best advice I’ve ever given or taken. I also learned how motivated I can become when a margarita is at stake.
2006 – Opened New Jersey’s first women’s self-defense school in Hoboken. Released my book. Lived on airplanes. Did more speaking events than I thought possible for a human being. Learned I took on too much, and that I’m a serial over-committer. Also learned how to do yoga and meditation in an attempt to hold it all together. Sadly, I learned that I’m not a gifted yogi or zen meditation guru. I still struggle with over-commitment and breathing in general…
2007 – Closed the self-defense school and my husband quit his job. We moved to Colorado just because we love it here. I learned that driving 1,800 miles behind a Penske truck that maxes out at 59 mph really sucks. Hubby learned that actually driving said truck sucks much worse.
2008 – We decided to start a family. Got pregnant. Miscarried. Got pregnant again. Learned we are really not in control, and sometimes you have to believe in something bigger than your day planner.
2009 – ‘Twas the year of replication! Found and trained a team of speakers to give the Girls Fight Back seminar. Learned that if you build it, they will come – and often times they will surprise you with their awesomeness. Also had our first baby, a boy named Miles. Learned that natural childbirth hurts…a lot. (Read my Birth Story here) But also acquired a new respect for the female body and spirit. I learned to love deeper, have patience and be productive on just 3 hours of sleep.
So what’s on deck for this year? After watching Drew Barrymore’s directing debut of “Whip It” last week, I’m thinking Roller Derby. My name will be Weed Wacker.
What are your big hairy scary things this year?
Jan
31
Stalking Awareness Month
Filed Under Erin Weed's Blog, Safety & Self-Defense | 4 Comments
January is Stalking Awareness Month, and a great website with tools, quizzes and resources is now available if this is something you are dealing with. I especially love their guidelines on how to create a Safety Plan. Visit the website by clicking here – and help spread the word too! http://stalkingawarenessmonth.org
Stalking is downright scary, and I know this on a very personal level. It can make a person feel powerless, cause acute anxiety and feel totally out of control. Please understand that each situation is different, and you need specific management of your individual case before deciding on any one course of action. Reach out for help, and don’t deal with this on your own. Here are 5 ideas to get you started…
#1: Acknowledge the situation for what it is. Might sound easy, but many people who are being stalked refuse to accept that the word STALK is appropriate. According to Safe Horizon, New York law defines stalking as a pattern of intentional, repeated, and unwanted behavior causing a person to fear for his/her own safety. A stalker can be anyone – a stranger, a relative or anywhere in between.
#2: Know the law. To find out the exact definition of stalking and possible ways to respond, know the laws in your state. Visit the Stalking Resource Center at The National Center for Victims of Crime website by clicking here.
#3: Read a book called “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker. By far, this is the best book I’ve read about intuition, de-escalating potentially violent scenarios and understanding the motives of people who pursue others inappropriately. Click here to buy it.
#4: Call the Stalking Hotline. Someone from Safe Horizon is available to speak with you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Call toll free: 866.689.HELP (4357). Check out their website by clicking here.
#5: Take a self-defense class. Hopefully the steps above prevent you from having to physically save yourself. However, the skills you learn in a good self-defense class are much bigger than learning to do an eye jab. Great classes will also teach you to recognize the signs of a violent person, how to use your intuition, ways to de-escalate bad situations and how to fight back if necessary. I especially recommend classes by IMPACT and FAST Defense.
I hope this helps…stay safe!
Jan
27
Flaky friends
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Do you have a flaky friend who is constantly re-scheduling a coffee date? Or a pal that seems to avoid making plans in the first place? Do you start finding yourself feeling bitter towards these people, or even talking smack about them to others because this hurts your feelings? In many of these instances, the outcome is not desirable. Maybe the smack-talkin’ gets back to the “disser” (person doing the dissing), or the “dissee” (person getting dissed) ends the relationship abruptly and (seemingly) for no good reason. Avoid writing off a friend that you truly care for, until you’ve tried setting a boundary first. The outcome may surprise you.
I’m finding the phenomenon of “flaky friends” is becoming more and more common, as our lives get busier, technology overwhelms us, work gets more demanding and we try to dissect this whacked concept of work/life balance. (Which by the way, I’m convinced is a total farce). Something’s gotta give. Especially for women, it can be hard to set clear boundaries about our expectations and desires in both personal and business relationships. I believe that many of us lack the basic skill of boundary setting, which leaves us feeling bitter and powerless. And it’s not surprising so many of us lack this skill, because for most people, we’ve never been taught to use clear communication! In many cases, we’ve been encouraged to do just the opposite.
Here are some tips on how to use verbal boundaries. Ideally these boundaries are set in person or over the phone, but they can be written as well. Just be VERY careful about the written boundaries, because without the tone or inflection of voice, words can be misinterpreted quite easily.
- #1: Have empathy. I believe most people want to do the right thing. Especially if this is a true friend, they don’t want to hurt you. Chances are they are totally overwhelmed, and they cancel on your because you’re the most likely person to forgive them.
- #2: Feel flattered. In many cases, people cancel or postpone because they want to give you QUALITY and undivided attention. Unfortunately in these busy times, finding that kind of time is rare, which leads to an endless string of postponements.
- #3: Be direct, yet compassionate. When it’s time to set a boundary, keep it short, sweet and direct. Express your feelings and appreciation and move on. But also have compassion for their busy situation. This compassion will surely be reflected right back at you.
- #4: Don’t guilt and use “I” statements. Using guilt to get anything is not only manipulative, there is no long term benefit for anyone. They may begrudgingly agree to your wants in the short term, but may also start to resent you. Using “I” statements instead of “You” accusations creates a non-threatening tone for the conversation.
- #5: Make lighthearted suggestions, not demands. People are very receptive to ideas when they are presented as something to think about, or as a reasonable change of course. Ultimatums don’t work among friends, because they are forced. And just because you’re setting a boundary doesn’t mean you have to be all scary and intense. Be able to laugh at your mutual inability to spend a little time together. Life can be ridiculous…and laughing at “life” takes away any feelings of blaming the other person. (Even if it’s blatantly their fault…you’re gonna need to let it go if the goal is to salvage the friendship.)
Example Conversation: Good friend keeps postponing that long overdue martini to catch up on life. Maybe you say…
“I know how busy you are. Frankly I don’t know how you have time to do it all! That said, every time we set a date and it gets cancelled at the last minute, it’s not a good use of everyone’s time. So I have an idea…let’s make a pact to be realistic with our time, and only schedule dates that we’re going to stick to, even if the house is burning down. Realistically, maybe that’s just once a year, but I’d rather our face time be less frequent if it means we both can really count on it. You are a person I truly want to spend time with, and life is too short to miss out on laughs with good friends! How does that sound to you? <THEY AGREE, IT SOUNDS GOOD> Oh, that works for you? Great! Well let’s look at our calendars and figure out a time to make this godforsaken martini happen already!” *laugh*
Try this with someone in your life – I’d love to hear your comments on how it went. Obviously there may be a million other reasons why someone might keep postponing on you, but this strategy usually works if the person is purely busy and disorganized. If they are actively trying to avoid you for some reason, that’s a whole other blog post. It also might be handled differently in a professional setting. That topic is coming soon. Running a company of 20 people (nearly all of them female) I think I have some good insights to share!
Jan
26
9th Annual Fundraiser in memory of Shannon McNamara
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The 9th Annual Girls Fight Back for Shannon Mac Fundraiser is officially announced, and we are very excited for it. This year all funds raised will be donated to a non-profit organization we are currently setting up called the Girls Fight Back Foundation. The Foundation is being created and run by our outstanding team of GFB Speakers: Jaime, Megan, Michaela and Heather. The focus of this organization will be to create a network of GFB Clubs at schools and colleges across the USA (and someday go global), which will promote women’s safety and self-defense education for young women. Here are the deets on the event:
What: Fundraiser for the Girls Fight Back Foundation
Host: Kate Lotz & Erin Weed
Start Time: Saturday, March 20 at 8:00pm
End Time: Saturday, March 20 at midnight
Where: Slugger’s (across from Wrigley Field)
3540 North Clark Street
Chicago, IL 60657
Cost: $30 which includes all well drinks, domestic beer, wine and soda
If you’re unable to attend, donations can be made to “Girls Fight Back Foundation” and mailed to:
Girls Fight Back!
4800 Baseline Rd.
Suite E104 #286
Boulder, CO 80303
We are seeking volunteers to help plan, promote & fundraise! Please email info@girlsfightback.com for details.
Jan
14
I’m Back…
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André Gide once said: “One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.” I’ve been missing in action from my blog since the holidays, and I wish I could say it was because I was sipping margaritas somewhere in Tahiti. It’s not been a vacation by any means – in fact, my awesome team has been working around the clock, on holidays and jumping off cliffs at every turn for the sake of expanding the efforts of Fight Back Productions and Girls Fight Back.
We’ve barely scratched the surface in bringing personal safety and self-defense education to the world, and we know that 2010 holds very good things. It’s been a ton of work, and we’re not even close to finishing with our big plans…but it’s also been super inspiring to grow our team to 20 people and feel the new blood in our organizations.
I’ve been reflecting a lot about what my blog will focus on this year. Most certainly, it will continue to discuss topics relating to women’s empowerment and violence prevention. This year I also plan to take on topics relating to motherhood, and more posts about entrepreneurship. Lately I’ve been approached by many people for advice on strategic planning, getting started as a speaker or using the web to create change. I plan to post my ideas on these subjects as well. In the coming weeks I’ll be making some big and exciting announcements on this blog…stay tuned for a very exciting year.
Nov
30
I want to cry on Oprah’s couch
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Today I dropped off my child at daycare for the first time. Let me tell you, nothing is more embarrassing than a gaggle of happy infants staring at the 32-year-old crying lady…and the crying lady is YOU. I removed myself from the infant room, as to not embarrass my son.
“What the hell is wrong with me?” I bewildered. We toured every daycare place in a 20 mile radius, did background checks, grilled the school directors…and we found a place that we felt safe and that would take good care of our baby while we work. I am confident in our decision, so why does this feel so bad?
I think I finally understand all those sobbing women on Oprah episodes. Tired, frazzled and frustrated they can’t do it all, they end up running themselves into the ground. I always believed their woes seemed a little dramatic. I guess I thought I’d manage better. But there I was, sobbing in the infant classroom while Miles was happily meeting his new friends. Clearly I guessed wrong.
I had a realization as we drove away. My source of sadness this morning was not in leaving my child at a scary place (it’s a great daycare), or that he would be upset (he was having a blast). I was bummed I had to bring him to daycare in the first place, and sad that I can’t run a business AND be an incredible mom simultaneously. When I write that, it sounds ridiculous. Of course nobody can be a stellar entrepreneur and mom in the same moment! But in some strange way, that is what I expected from myself…and it seems this is something that many parents (not just moms) struggle with.
“We come into this world head first, and go out feet first. In between, it is all a matter of balance.” – Paul Boese
I have no wisdom to share in this blog post, but I’m hoping you do. Here’s to finding some equilibrium…
Nov
26
Giving Thanks
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This time last year, I was a little freaked out. I was newly pregnant, and started realizing my life was going to change in a big way…both personally and professionally. While I felt grateful for the blessing of a new life, it didn’t change the fact that I wasn’t ready to leap into the abyss of the unknown. But even when you don’t feel prepared, the world keeps on turning. I am thankful for getting tossed out of my comfort zone.
Since Thanksgiving of 2008, many things have happened. We selected and trained a team of amazing speakers (Megan, Michaela, Heather & Jaime) to give Fight Back Productions seminars at schools, colleges and corporations across the country. I found a stellar Marketing Coordinator (Jenn) two incredible Program Directors (Cheryl & Dianna) to arrange these events, in addition to joining forces with the award-winning agency, Bass-Schuler Entertainment. Together we booked the busiest semester to date this past Fall, giving personal safety seminars in over 40 cities. We already have 30 stops on the Spring ‘10 Tour planned, and we’re just getting going. I am thankful for a rock solid team.
This past August I gave birth to my first baby, a little boy named Miles. His entry into this world was awesome, and the past 3 months of learning, growing, adapting and letting go of perfection have been enormous life lessons for me. I am thankful to be someone’s mom.
I’ve always read that kids make life chaotic, but for me, Miles has slowed me down and helped me smell the roses. I’ve relaxed a bit, simply because I had to. I recall a few days after he was born, I was awake most of the night. While feeding him at about 5 am, I looked out the window and noticed the sun was starting to rise. Minutes later it was over, and I realized I hadn’t stopped to watch a sunrise from start to finish in close to a decade. I am thankful that each new day gives me another opportunity to make this life count.
Whether you’re at our table today or somewhere across the globe, I am grateful for you. It’s our first Thanksgiving dinner cooking totally alone, so wish me luck with science experiments like turkey roasting, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes and cranberries. And if these dishes end up being a total disaster, I’ll be thankful for Chinese take-out.
Nov
18
Speaking Tips for Personal Safety Educators
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Speaking is a whole different ball game than teaching a self-defense class, and it should be handled differently for maximum effectiveness. Here are my top 5 tips for SD instructors who are asked to give a speech…
#1: Identify the goal of the speech. Is it to inform? To inspire? To get the audience to sign up for a self-defense course? Begin with the end in mind, and work backwards from there. Sometimes I even write the goal on a little piece of paper and keep it in my pocket during the speech. If I start getting side-tracked, I remember what I wrote and bring the message back to the goal. It’s kinda like yoga class, when you set an intention before starting your practice.
#2: Mirror your audience to some degree. If they are teen girls, they may want a lighter approach, and address the safety issues affecting them (acquaintance rape, peer pressure, dating violence). If they are security professionals, they may want a more hard-core talk (workplace violence, academic studies on violence prevention). But don’t make assumptions about your audience. I highly recommend asking the contact organizing your speaking engagement about background on the audience before you take the mic. (Ideally days or weeks prior, so you can meditate on this.) What you learn may help when deciding which jokes to use, language to avoid, what outfit to wear, etc. Obviously you need to be authentic, and don’t want to be someone you’re not…but studies have shown that audiences connect to speakers who they can relate to.
#3: Honor the time commitment. There’s nothing worse than a speaker who is asked to talk for 15 minutes, and talks for an hour. It’s ignorant and rude, and you’ll totally lose the audience and offend the organizer. More is NOT better in this case.
#4: Have fun! A speech is different than a self-defense class. You gotta keep it light if you want people to connect with the message and take the next steps. Many instructors have incredible training, which can be intimidating to women with no experience. Coming across as too bad-ass could make the attendees walk away thinking, “She was awesome, but I could never do that…” Personally, I don’t find this to be a successful outcome if the goal is motivating women to become their own best protectors. Reminding yourself to have fun also helps calm nerves if you’re feeling jittery.
#5: Always end the speech with “next steps.” It’s such a shame when a great speaker does an excellent job and the audience is all fired up…but they give the people no instructions for how to take the next step. Decide what you can offer the audience and give them clear instructions on how to move forward. (Possible next steps could be: buy a book, take a class, attend a community event, etc.) Whatever you do, give them clear directions. If you can use PowerPoint and have a handout with these steps written out, even better. Many people are visual learners and need to SEE it.
I think having the skill of speaking publicly can only help our cause of ending violence against women. Ellen Snortland once told me the suffragists largely attribute the success of their campaign for a woman’s right to vote to the fact they went on speaking tours to cities across the US. Speaking up = change!
Nov
15
Making Self-Defense Fun
Filed Under Erin Weed's Blog | 5 Comments
Lately I’ve been talking to women’s safety instructors about low class attendance for a skill that can save a person’s life. It’s a common frustration among most self-defense instructors, even those who are internationally known, when it comes to marketing safety and self-defense education to everyday women. Despite the excellent education that so many instructors offer, in many cases these classes are duds, with only a few people in attendance.
I believe there are many reasons for this, one of the biggies being that women are flat-out SCARED of something bad happening to them…and consequently are afraid of confronting that possible reality in a self-defense class. As a result, many class attendees who actually show up have put off taking a class for years, are nervous to be there, recently survived an attack or “close call” or are forced to attend. (Often the case with moms making their daughters go…while ironically, those same moms often never take a class themselves.) This can be a tough crowd in regards to helping them relax, opening their minds and filling their brains and bodies with new ideas of what they are capable of.
This begs the question…what if we got this education to women in other ways, with less pressure? What if we made self-defense classes like swim lessons? The lessons are fun, but the goal is teaching young people to not drown. (Scary outcome, fun process learning to avoid it.) What if we looked at models like Jazzercize? It was created after Judy Sheppard Missett saw the high turnover rate of dance classes, so she threw in a fitness component and some crazy humor. The idea? Have fun while getting fit. Why is fun so taboo when it comes to self-defense? Is it possible for the education to be even MORE effective if people are relaxed while they hear our message of safety?
When people are laughing, they are listening. And when they are listening, they’re learning. And when they are learning, they become empowered. And that’s when change happens.
I’d like to pose this question to all women: What would make the idea of taking a self-defense class or martial arts less scary to you? A clean, pretty studio? Women only? More “friendly” marketing materials? Or shouldn’t self-defense be fun at all? Please comment…
Nov
12
Denver Self-Defense Classes
Filed Under Erin Weed's Blog, Girls Fight Back! | 2 Comments
Girls Fight Back started in Hoboken, New Jersey in 2001 at a place called The Bar at 10th and Willow. Why a bar, you ask? Because the manager – a guy named Mario – had 7 sisters, believed in what I was doing and gave me the space for free. After getting certified by the American Women’s Self Defense Association as an instructor, I began holding weekend classes in the bar, and women all over the tri-state area attended. I remember banging on Mario’s apartment door at 10 am, so he’d let me into the bar to start class. (He went to bed at 6 am on weekends, so he probably cursed my name a lot those mornings…)
Today I’m excited to announce a new partnership with Denver’s coolest yoga hot spot, Spiral Yoga & Wellness. Starting November 21st, I will be teaching a 2-hour women’s self-defense workshop at Spiral once a month. (Normally the workshops will take place on the 2nd Saturday of each month – except for the first one in November, which is the 3rd Saturday.) Then in January 2010 I’ll start teaching an ongoing self-defense class every Wednesday night from 7 – 8:30 pm. (Whoop-Ass Wednesdays) These weekly classes are structured like yoga. Pay as you go, $15 per class, come every week or just once a month…no contracts, so you decide! (Note: You must attend one of our 2-hour workshops as a pre-requisite before starting weekly classes with me in January. This way, all students will begin the classes with an understanding of verbal self-defense, prevention strategies and other basic fundamentals. If you can’t make the Nov. 21 workshop, be sure to attend the one on December 12.)
Teaching again is very exciting for me. For the past few years I’ve been mostly speaking, writing and traveling. My average crowd size tends to be in the hundreds, sometimes even more than a thousand. But getting back to the basics, teaching a small group of spirited women and girls…well, I find this invigorating. I hope you’ll join me…please spread the word. Space is limited! Here are details for the first workshop:
Saturday, Nov. 21, 2009
2:00 – 4:00 pm
@ Spiral Yoga & Wellness
4106 Tejon Street
Denver, CO 80211
$20 per person (women/girls ages 12 and up)
Click here for details and registration
Nov
1
My Adventures with TSA
Filed Under Erin Weed's Blog | 3 Comments
On my way to Pennsylvania last week, I opened my luggage, and found this note. (click on the image) Wha?? I guess I always pretended to believe that TSA didn’t actually look at my personal items and have opinions about it. Guess I was wrong. But at least he/she left a nice little note congratulating me on my book. (Which so happened to be one of the contents of my bag…) Thanks for your support and encouragement, TSA. Maybe next time I’ll add you to the acknowledgments.
On the way back from Cincinnatti on Saturday, I experienced the joy of educating some old men who work security about the purpose of breast pumps and how to effectively travel the nation while keeping milk at the proper temperature. When you have a baby as hungry as mine, that stuff is more valuable than gold! (No pump n’ dump for this mama…) Here was the conversation as I approached the security line:
Me: Hey, just so you know, a gallon of milk is coming through.
TSA dude #1: OK, I’ll perform a test to make sure that is, in fact, breast milk.
Me: Um, alright.
*Test is performed with strange device. Success!*
TSA dude #1: So, don’t you have to freeze that stuff?
Me: Well yes, eventually.
TSA dude #1: But it’s gotta stay cold, right? How do you do that? Oh wait, is this personal?
Me: Ugh, I guess it’s personal, but if you really want to know…I’ve been running a milk brewery in the back seat of my Chevy Cobalt this week. Got a cooler and ice from Wal-Mart, so it’s been chillin’.
TSA dude #1: But wait, where is your infant?
Me: Huh? The reason I’m pumping is because I don’t have my infant with me. He’s at home and I’m on a business trip.
TSA dude #1: *looks confused* I don’t get it. But OK, you’re clear to go.
Me: Great, thanks.
TSA dude #2: Miss! Stop right there!
Me: Whoa! What did I do?
TSA dude #2: Where is your infant?
Me: I just told that other guy, my infant isn’t with me…which is why I have a breast pump and a gallon of milk.
TSA dude #2: *looks extremely confused* I don’t get it.
TSA dude #1: *runs over* I cleared her. She can go.
TSA dude #2: But where’s the baby?
Me: *wondering why this is so hard to understand…trying not to make a mad face*
TSA dude #1: You can go.
Me: Um okay. *cautiously walks toward my gate, in fear I’m going to get tackled*
Is the concept of pumping breast milk really so hard to understand? What a debacle. Looking forward to my next air travel adventure in December!
Sep
24
A Big Night
Filed Under Erin Weed's Blog, Girls Fight Back! | 4 Comments
Tonight I know that somewhere, an angel was smiling down upon us. In 3 different states (Ohio, Texas and Virginia) this evening, 3 of my speakers were giving Girls Fight Back seminars. These events took place at Old Dominion University, Baylor University and Ohio State. Wow. To think that a year ago, I was in the thick of my Fall Speaking Tour, living on airplanes and wondering how I could possibly find people to help me expand the company. I was exhausted, over-exposed and stressed. I lay awake many nights knowing I had to seek and train young women to help me conduct the presentations, but how? This seems to be the common thread in companies that grow. Each has a CEO that lays awake wondering how the hell it’s all gonna go down, trying their best to ward off nightly panic attacks…
For me, the fire was lit under my ass to begin this expansion after finding out I was pregnant. Not only did I want to expand our company, but at that point I absolutely had to! Full knowing I’d be out of commission while on maternity leave, the plans began for finding some incredible young women to carry the torch. That was November 2008, and by January 2009 we had speaker applications circulating on the web. They were due in April 2009, and then we had a whirlwind of interviews, video submissions, in-person meetings and finally the GFB Academy in June. That was probably the most inspiring week of my life, because with my own eyes I started to see what was possible.
And here we are today, just 3 months later. Fight Back Productions (the parent company of Girls Fight Back, since we now give seminars for other demographics besides young women) is rockin’ and the speakers are making me proud. Last year at this time, I was jet-setting around the nation, on stage in front of hundreds of people every night and blogging about my wild adventures. What a difference a year makes – Today I was excited to get out of the house and go to Walgreens by myself and get a flu shot. Ah, the joys of new motherhood…but I wouldn’t have it any other way. My life, our company, this mission…we’re all damn blessed.
Check out the Fight Back Blog to read about the events tonight…and maybe some pictures too!
Sep
23
According to Wikipedia, a manifesto is a public declaration of principles and intentions. I intend to do just that, as well as make suggestions on how to fix our damaged state of women’s safety education in the United States today.
My name is Erin Weed, and I’m the founder of Girls Fight Back and CEO of Fight Back Productions. We are a personal safety education company that teaches ordinary people they are capable of extraordinary things in the face of violence. I plunged unexpectedly into the anti-violence movement in the aftermath of my life’s greatest tragedy, the murder of Shannon McNamara, in 2001. For the past 8 years, I’ve been researching, training, writing, speaking, fighting and educating myself and others to become our own best protectors. While that may sound noble, I’m actually writing this manifesto because I’d like to apologize. Because we, the personal safety and self-defense community, have failed you.
- To every woman who ever walked down a city street and looked over her shoulder with fear, and had no action plan if someone was to emerge from the shadows…
- To every teen girl who experienced unwanted or forced sex because she didn’t understand the word “NO” is her right (and also a complete sentence)…
- To every man who has loved a survivor of violence, and awakens in the night to her crying softly, hoping he doesn’t hear…
- To the woman I saw on Oprah today who was the recipient of our country’s first ever face transplant because her husband blew off her face with a shotgun…
- To that woman’s daughter, who had to explain to Mom that falling back into the arms of the man who permanently disfigured and nearly killed her probably wasn’t such a good idea…
- To the women who will never bother to read this because violent things don’t happen in your neighborhood…
To all of you, I’m sorry on behalf of the movement. We don’t offer enough personal safety education, at an early enough age. I’m sorry no one ever taught you how to set boundaries as a pre-teen. There are still child safety ‘experts’ preaching concepts like stranger danger, despite the fact the most likely person to molest a child is someone they know. There aren’t enough reputable self-defense classes available, and virtually no network by which you can find the good ones. Or sometimes you find a great class, but are forced to choose between paying your rent or learning to fight that month. (Rent usually wins.) I apologize we haven’t integrated life saving self-defense education in schools yet, despite useful classes like algebra (sarcasm) being mandatory to graduate. Most self-defense instructors don’t market safety training in a way you can stomach, because we’re so hung up on visual martial arts symbolism like dragons and tigers. (Both of which can eat people, by the way - scary.) I’m sorry you aren’t validated more often that your intuition is correct, without needing to prove it. I wish you were told just how powerful you really are when basic physical techniques merge with an adrenaline dump, instead of being told you’re doing the step-by-step of a pinning situation escape incorrectly.
In Spring 2009 I conducted an anonymous, online survey asking everyday women of all ages, races and geographic locations about their personal safety and self-defense education. It was their responses that spawned this manifesto, after months of their honest and sometimes haunting answers marinating in my brain. I feel it is time to make some declarations about the state of female safety education in this country, or lack thereof. Because of the 136 women who filled out my survey, 64 responded YES to the following question:
Have you ever experienced any sort of crime or assault?
Did you do the math? That’s nearly HALF the respondents who said yes, admitting they have endured a violent act in their lifetime. And given that 86% of the respondents are under age 40, this is not a long lifetime we’re talking about. HALF. Actually, let’s assume it’s more than half since experts say many survivors cannot (or will not) label certain painful life experiences as the crimes they are. It just hurts too much. HALF. I’m sorry, but I can’t get out of my head that every party I’ve ever walked into, half the women sipping martinis in their little black dresses know this pain. Half of the 500,000 people I’ve spoken to in my seminars over the past 8 years understood the violence I spoke of all too well. Sometimes I could see it in their eyes, but many hide their suffering expertly.
So let’s hypothesize, based on my un-scientific survey, that half our female population has endured violence in some form or another. After the blood is gone and the wounds are physically healed, does it still leave a mark in other ways? According to the World Health Organization (2002), victims of sexual assault are:
- 3 times more likely to suffer from depression.
- 6 times more likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder.
- 13 times more likely to abuse alcohol.
- 26 times more likely to abuse drugs.
- 4 times more likely to contemplate suicide.
These shocking statistics beg the question: What greatness have we missed out on from these women? What precious gems of contribution to our society have we been deprived of, all stemming from violence? I suppose we will never know. What I do know is more must be done to eradicate this culture of violence and victimization. Because seriously…HALF? Something is very broken here.
I will admit, there are days when I wish I was the CEO of a company more simple in nature. There’s a great soap store in Boulder that I covet to own, because it seems like a pretty carefree operation to run. What’s a tough decision for that store manager? Lavender or Patchouli? But then I think of this quotation by Hillary Rodham Clinton:
“I’ve often thought that when something is hard for you, whether it’s going to law school or anything else that challenges you, that’s probably what you should do.”
Women’s Safety Manifesto, Part 2 – Coming soon…
Sep
20
The following post was written by yours truly for a yoga blog at Spiral Wellness, a new yoga hot spot here in Denver. Founded by Laura Jaster, I think she’s one of the best pre/post natal yoga instructors around. Be sure to check out Spiral at http://www.spiralwellness.com and get a free week of yoga!
Yoga has a place in birth, regardless how baby comes into the world – whether it’s natural, using pain medication or via scheduled or emergency c-section. (To read my birth story, click here.) The basic fundamentals roll into any stressful, painful or scary situation (which most women feel at some point during the birth process), and help keep us in the moment as the miracle of life unfolds. Below are the 3 yogic lessons that I actively relied upon during my 8 hours of active labor…I hope they help you too!
1. Choosing to be present.
I think all pregnant women should take pre-natal yoga classes at Spiral…and they should also read a book called The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. When feeling fear or pain, we naturally want to escape to some other time or place. But during labor, there is no escape from the sensations that take over (without medication), and this can cause great anxiety and fear. In my case I had severe back labor, and I found no position gave me relief or comfort. I found myself using breaks between surges to think about the pain of the last contraction and to fear the next one on deck. This was a total waste of energy, because I was using my rest period to get more stressed out! Yoga helped me consciously identify this early on. As hard as it was, I chose to ride the wave of a contraction as it happened, to bask in the break when I had one, and to accept the new contraction as it arrived. (And I emphasize that it’s a choice. A natural response to pain is to fight it, but through yoga we can rise above our physical circumstances.)
2. Learning to surrender.
Because there was no escape from the pain, I learned to surrender to the wisdom of my body. I found great hope and strength in my 6 year yoga practice, recalling times when my teachers have assured us we could hold a pose just 3 breaths longer – even when every muscle is shaking and you think it’s impossible! I have yoga to thank for not only appreciating my body for what it is, but knowing I can rely on it to get me through difficult situations. Laura’s pre-natal classes specifically helped me surrender to the greatness of the female body and what we are capable of.
3. Breathing.
I saved the most important yogic lesson for last. Without breath, there is no life. And since birth is the act of bringing new life into this world, there is no higher lesson. Pain can often lead to fear, which leads to tension, which leads to one holding their breath. Ironically, this leads to more pain, more fear and more tension…and complete and utter exhaustion as your body fights itself. The midwives told me the #1 reason mamas transfer from the birth center to the hospital is exhaustion, and I believe it. Birth is like an endurance race…can you imagine finishing a marathon without breathing? B.K.S. Iyengar once said, “When you inhale, you are taking the strength from God. When you exhale, it represents the service you are giving to the world.”
And what greater service can we provide as women, than to perpetuate life?
Sep
17
September e-News
Filed Under Erin Weed's Blog, In the News | Leave a Comment
September 2009 Monthly e-News from Fight Back Productions
Click here to subscribe
September is National Campus Safety Awareness Month, but many co-eds haven’t felt so secure lately. The recent murder of 24-year-old pharmacology student, Annie Le, at Yale University has shocked the nation. America had been watching for days as the search for Annie took place, which many hoped was due to ‘cold feet’ in anticipation of her upcoming nuptials. But sadly, her body was discovered this past Sunday, which was supposed to be her wedding day. The layers of tragedy seem endless, and my heart goes out to Annie’s family.
When campus crimes like this make national news, I get a flood of emails from concerned parents of college students. The query is usually the same: “How can I keep my child safe while on campus?” To answer this question, I pulled together my favorite campus safety tips and created a FREE campus safety fact sheet. (Click here to view the e-news and download the PDF) In observance of National Campus Safety Awareness Month, will you please forward it to anyone attending college or who loves a college student? Feel free to make copies and distribute widely!
My advice to parents and students alike is to start a conversation about campus safety. As a guide, check out my book: Girls Fight Back! The College Girl’s Guide to Protecting Herself. It’s the only book out there just for young women on campus, and I hope it helps female co-eds avoid bad situations…and fight back if necessary. Get FREE SHIPPING ON BOOKS if you order by 5 pm EST tomorrow (Friday). We can ship directly to your favorite college girl as a back-to-school gift, and all books will be autographed by me. Enter the coupon code CAMPUS to redeem this special offer. Click here to buy the book.
And in case you were wondering, I finally gave birth! On August 18, 2009 we welcomed a baby boy named Miles Patrick into the world. He was 8 lbs, 4 oz and 22 inches long. I finally understand the amazing, protective, unconditional love that only parents can have for their kids…
Strong. Resilient. Spirited. Unified.
Erin Weed
Sep
2
Birth Story
Filed Under Erin Weed's Blog | 7 Comments
*NOTE: Natural childbirth was awesome for me, but it’s not for everyone for a variety of reasons. Thank God we live in a country where we have choices and medical options available for both mom and baby! This post is not intended to judge anyone for choices they make, as I believe all women choose what is best for themselves and their family. This is just my story as it happened – nothing less, nothing more.*
Yesterday we took our newborn son to the doctor for his two week check-up at the pediatrician’s office. The nurse gave him a hepatitis B shot in his upper thigh, and the little guy screamed his face off. I felt like killing that nurse with my bare hands for causing pain in my child. And that’s when I realized I’d been bitten by the bug of parental love…a love so protective and instinctual that it makes you nuts.
We found out we were pregnant in November 2008, but it took awhile to get excited about it. After a miscarriage last summer, I was afraid to get my hopes up. But as my belly grew, so did our anticipation. We found a good doctor and I continued my crazy travel schedule, giving safety & self-defense seminars across the United States. I became an expert on puking in pretty much any public place, since morning sickness kicked into full gear as my travels got underway. Did you know many airlines no longer have barf bags? If I get any spare time in the next few months, I’m gonna write a few letters about that.
We made the decision early on to have a natural, unmedicated birth. I saw the documentary The Business of Being Born (created by Ricki Lake) which opened my eyes to the rising number of medical interventions in healthy pregnancies and births. While pain in childbirth wasn’t something I was looking forward to, I believe in my body and the idea that women were made to do this. I felt strongly about giving our baby the chance to make an entrance into this world without any medication and very little stress. To prepare, we did Bradley Method and Hypnobirthing classes in addition to reading lots of books like Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth.
I took a tour of the labor and delivery ward at the hospital when I was 33 weeks pregnant. The word “meltdown” doesn’t begin to explain my reaction to this place. I had been assured the L&D area had a holistic feel and was “homey.” But honestly, this ward was about as homey as a mental institution. As the rules were explained about giving birth there, I felt utterly dejected. This was not the birth I had hoped for, and I had an awful feeling about this hospital…I actually felt FEAR. That’s when I realized my intuition was warning me. As I’ve taught so many women in my presentations, the definition of intuition is “knowing something without knowing why.” After many tears and some Baskin & Robbins peanut butter & chocolate ice cream, Peter and I knew we had to seek another option.
Enter the most amazing birth center and midwives under the sun at Mountain Midwifery in Englewood, CO. Never in my life have I received such attentive emotional, physical and medical care. The entire staff is kind, fun, personable, empathetic and accepted me as a patient very late in the game. (Could have had something to do with my threat to have my baby on their door step if they didn’t let me in…I know, I’m a psycho. But I was kidding…kind of.) Honestly, I love these women and think everyone should at least investigate the idea of having a baby at a birth center and under the care of Midwives.
So that brings us to the eve of the birth on August 17, 2009. I had a full day of meetings and project work, as the Girls Fight Back Fall Tour is about to begin. I was tired of being pregnant, my “Shrek Feet” were puffy and out of control, my belly was enormous and I was ready to meet this creature inside me that was plagued by 24 hour a day hiccups. Peter made his spicy chicken tacos, which we now refer to as “Labor Tacos.” (Nice foreshadowing, eh?)
Less than 3 hours later, we started getting ready for bed. Just as I was about to request a small crane to peel my huge ass out of the couch, I heard a weird “pop” sound inside my belly. (Kinda like when you pop your knee.) Turns out this popping sound was my water breaking. All our classes said that water breaking doesn’t mean you’re having a baby right away. For some women (especially first-time mamas) it can be another day before baby comes, so I thought we had time. But less than a minute later I felt my first contraction, which was way more powerful than I anticipated for early labor. About 3.5 minutes later, the next one came…and 3 minutes later the next one came. (We geeked out and used an iPhone app called Contraction Master to time these – I highly recommend it.) That’s when I realized my body skipped early labor altogether. I was in ACTIVE labor right off the bat, and our midwife named Sarit told us to get in the car and drive to the birth center.
After a grueling 30 minute drive, we arrived at the birth center by 1 am. I was dialated 6 cm and 100% effaced. I practically dove head-first into that amazing birthing pool, and spent the entire night laboring in every position short of swinging from a chandelier. Baby was having a hard time clearing the cervix, so with each contraction Sarit was holding open the cervix while I pushed. (And yes, that felt about as awesome as it sounds.) At times I didn’t know if I could do it, and seriously questioned my judgment on the whole natural childbirth thing. But I remembered from our Bradley Method classes that all women doubt themselves (and their sanity) at the very end…and that meant I was close. Thankfully baby finally pushed past the cervix and into the birth canal around 6 am. At this point I had been in full-throttle labor for almost 7 hours and hadn’t slept for almost 24 hours. Delirious doesn’t begin to describe my mental state at that point, but the Midwives saw baby’s head…
After realizing how close I was, my creepy motivational speaker persona emerged. I actually said to the midwives and nurses in attendance at that point, “OK Team! Let’s do this!” (Seriously, who says that in the throws of labor?) After 35 minutes of pushing, baby made his grand entrance at 7 am sharp on August 18, 2009. Because of a shift change at the birth center, 2 nurses and 3 midwives were in attendance (Sarit, Nancy & Sarah) and Nancy actually caught him.
We named our son Miles Patrick. He was 8 lbs. 4 oz. and 22 inches of pure love.
Right away our son was placed on my belly, and I couldn’t believe I just pushed out this slimy little cone-headed man. Peter got into bed with me, and the three of us just lay there and stared at each other, cried tears of joy and pretty much marveled at the miracle of life we had just experienced. Then we took a 3 hour nap with Miles on our chests, and the Midwives prepared me an herbal bath. By 2 pm that afternoon, we were at home with our new baby.
Giving birth naturally pushed me to the very end of my physical, mental and emotional limits and was the most intense experience my husband and I have ever had. Despite the pain and exhaustion, I came out on the other side knowing I can pretty much do anything. It was by far, the most accomplished I’ve ever felt in all my life and will probably remain the hardest, yet best thing I have ever done. Many have asked me if I’d do it again, and my answer is a resounding YES.
(For anyone considering natural childbirth, I’m planning to write more posts about the topic. Please sign up in the box at left to have my blog posts delivered straight to your inbox via Feedburner.)
Aug
5
Fight Back Productions – New Video
Filed Under Erin Weed's Blog, Girls Fight Back!, Video | 2 Comments
Message from the August e-Newsletter…
The other night my husband and I went out for Thai food, and had a lovely dinner on the outdoor deck. The sun was setting on a very productive day, and I had gotten many things crossed off my to-do list. At the completion of the meal, our server brought us fortune cookies. And let me tell you – I love fortune cookies. Yes, they taste good, but I’m also a big believer in fate and subtle (or not so subtle) messages that are dropped in our laps. (Or in this case, show up in our food.) I always take my fortune cookie messages very seriously.
This night was no exception. Perhaps with everything going on right now, I built it up more than usual. With the busiest Fall Tour we’ve ever planned starting in September, and our first baby due next week, I am open to all the wisdom I can get. As I cracked the cookie in half with nervous trepidation, I hoped it would rock my world. And it said…
“About time I got out of that cookie.”
Really? A fortune cookie with a sense of humor? How fitting. And that’s when I knew this is the message I needed most. To relax, to live, to laugh…and to trust in the simple idea that everything is alright in good time.
Because things over here are better than alright…let me bring you up to speed on a few things. First off, in June I trained a team of incredible speakers who will be carrying out all presentations this Fall while I’m on maternity leave. You can meet them all by watching this brand new video on YouTube.
Second, you probably noticed we changed our official name to Fight Back Productions. This came about as customers began asking for educational programs for female employees (Women Fight Back) and for mixed gender audiences at colleges (Students Fight Back). It was time to develop a larger umbrella organization beyond Girls Fight Back that would be the home for all our educational programs. And so it was…
Third, we are currently planning our biggest and busiest Fall Tour to date. Please see the tour stops at right to see if we’re coming to a city near you. If your school, college or business would like to book a stop on the tour, we offer discounts if you book when our speakers are in your area. And if you work for a business that might be interested in becoming a tour sponsor, please contact us for an info packet.
So that’s the scoop! Until next time…I’m sending you simple joys and lots of good fortune.
Strong. Resilient. Spirited. Unified.
Aug
3
The official definition of the word victimization is: to make a victim of. The definition of re-victimization is: again anew. Often in the anti-violence community, re-victimization is the concept of a child who endures emotional abuse as a child, will then find themselves in emotionally abusive relationships as an adult. That’s why so often, violence is referred to as a cycle, which goes round and round…
So when I read this article in the Huffington Post today, I couldn’t help but think the same theory applies here. Take a victim of rape, who makes the brave decision to go to the hospital and have an exam performed to collect evidence in hopes of catching and prosecuting her attacker. After being sexually violated in the most vile way, you can only imagine the trauma that an invasive vaginal exam can have on a woman. And that’s not the re-victimization part yet…that’s just what she has to go through in order to get her second dose of hell.
No, the re-victimization I’m speaking of is being doled out by state governments in sending a bill to rape victims to actually pay for their exam! Here is a segment from the article:
Congress created the Violence Against Women Act to protect victims and encourage them to report rapes. The law known as VAWA has forced many states to crack down on billing problems. But ambiguities in the law still allow a remarkable disparity in the legal system: Some rape victims, unlike victims of other crimes, have to pay for basic evidence collection. “We never ask a robbery victim to pay for the cost of fingerprints,” said Sarah Tofte, a researcher with Human Rights Watch, which has been tracking how states comply with VAWA.
“As a victim recovers from her assault, the last thing she needs is a bill for her exam,” said Katherine Hull, a spokeswoman for the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network. “Rape is not something you can budget for.”
Overall, I believe this is a national disgrace and we need to do something about it. Most of the work we do at Fight Back Productions is focused on the proactive or preventative measures a woman can take to avoid becoming a victim. But we cannot turn a blind eye to the fact that violence is happening NOW and we need to take care of people who have been affected by it NOW.
Take action! Get familiar with the Violence Against Women Act by reading up at Wikipedia.
Or…
Visit the RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) website to learn more about getting involved in the role of DNA testing for victims of rape.
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