Sep
24
A Big Night
Filed Under Erin Weed's Blog, Girls Fight Back! | 4 Comments
Tonight I know that somewhere, an angel was smiling down upon us. In 3 different states (Ohio, Texas and Virginia) this evening, 3 of my speakers were giving Girls Fight Back seminars. These events took place at Old Dominion University, Baylor University and Ohio State. Wow. To think that a year ago, I was in the thick of my Fall Speaking Tour, living on airplanes and wondering how I could possibly find people to help me expand the company. I was exhausted, over-exposed and stressed. I lay awake many nights knowing I had to seek and train young women to help me conduct the presentations, but how? This seems to be the common thread in companies that grow. Each has a CEO that lays awake wondering how the hell it’s all gonna go down, trying their best to ward off nightly panic attacks…
For me, the fire was lit under my ass to begin this expansion after finding out I was pregnant. Not only did I want to expand our company, but at that point I absolutely had to! Full knowing I’d be out of commission while on maternity leave, the plans began for finding some incredible young women to carry the torch. That was November 2008, and by January 2009 we had speaker applications circulating on the web. They were due in April 2009, and then we had a whirlwind of interviews, video submissions, in-person meetings and finally the GFB Academy in June. That was probably the most inspiring week of my life, because with my own eyes I started to see what was possible.
And here we are today, just 3 months later. Fight Back Productions (the parent company of Girls Fight Back, since we now give seminars for other demographics besides young women) is rockin’ and the speakers are making me proud. Last year at this time, I was jet-setting around the nation, on stage in front of hundreds of people every night and blogging about my wild adventures. What a difference a year makes – Today I was excited to get out of the house and go to Walgreens by myself and get a flu shot. Ah, the joys of new motherhood…but I wouldn’t have it any other way. My life, our company, this mission…we’re all damn blessed.
Check out the Fight Back Blog to read about the events tonight…and maybe some pictures too!
Sep
23
According to Wikipedia, a manifesto is a public declaration of principles and intentions. I intend to do just that, as well as make suggestions on how to fix our damaged state of women’s safety education in the United States today.
My name is Erin Weed, and I’m the founder of Girls Fight Back and CEO of Fight Back Productions. We are a personal safety education company that teaches ordinary people they are capable of extraordinary things in the face of violence. I plunged unexpectedly into the anti-violence movement in the aftermath of my life’s greatest tragedy, the murder of Shannon McNamara, in 2001. For the past 8 years, I’ve been researching, training, writing, speaking, fighting and educating myself and others to become our own best protectors. While that may sound noble, I’m actually writing this manifesto because I’d like to apologize. Because we, the personal safety and self-defense community, have failed you.
- To every woman who ever walked down a city street and looked over her shoulder with fear, and had no action plan if someone was to emerge from the shadows…
- To every teen girl who experienced unwanted or forced sex because she didn’t understand the word “NO” is her right (and also a complete sentence)…
- To every man who has loved a survivor of violence, and awakens in the night to her crying softly, hoping he doesn’t hear…
- To the woman I saw on Oprah today who was the recipient of our country’s first ever face transplant because her husband blew off her face with a shotgun…
- To that woman’s daughter, who had to explain to Mom that falling back into the arms of the man who permanently disfigured and nearly killed her probably wasn’t such a good idea…
- To the women who will never bother to read this because violent things don’t happen in your neighborhood…
To all of you, I’m sorry on behalf of the movement. We don’t offer enough personal safety education, at an early enough age. I’m sorry no one ever taught you how to set boundaries as a pre-teen. There are still child safety ‘experts’ preaching concepts like stranger danger, despite the fact the most likely person to molest a child is someone they know. There aren’t enough reputable self-defense classes available, and virtually no network by which you can find the good ones. Or sometimes you find a great class, but are forced to choose between paying your rent or learning to fight that month. (Rent usually wins.) I apologize we haven’t integrated life saving self-defense education in schools yet, despite useful classes like algebra (sarcasm) being mandatory to graduate. Most self-defense instructors don’t market safety training in a way you can stomach, because we’re so hung up on visual martial arts symbolism like dragons and tigers. (Both of which can eat people, by the way - scary.) I’m sorry you aren’t validated more often that your intuition is correct, without needing to prove it. I wish you were told just how powerful you really are when basic physical techniques merge with an adrenaline dump, instead of being told you’re doing the step-by-step of a pinning situation escape incorrectly.
In Spring 2009 I conducted an anonymous, online survey asking everyday women of all ages, races and geographic locations about their personal safety and self-defense education. It was their responses that spawned this manifesto, after months of their honest and sometimes haunting answers marinating in my brain. I feel it is time to make some declarations about the state of female safety education in this country, or lack thereof. Because of the 136 women who filled out my survey, 64 responded YES to the following question:
Have you ever experienced any sort of crime or assault?
Did you do the math? That’s nearly HALF the respondents who said yes, admitting they have endured a violent act in their lifetime. And given that 86% of the respondents are under age 40, this is not a long lifetime we’re talking about. HALF. Actually, let’s assume it’s more than half since experts say many survivors cannot (or will not) label certain painful life experiences as the crimes they are. It just hurts too much. HALF. I’m sorry, but I can’t get out of my head that every party I’ve ever walked into, half the women sipping martinis in their little black dresses know this pain. Half of the 500,000 people I’ve spoken to in my seminars over the past 8 years understood the violence I spoke of all too well. Sometimes I could see it in their eyes, but many hide their suffering expertly.
So let’s hypothesize, based on my un-scientific survey, that half our female population has endured violence in some form or another. After the blood is gone and the wounds are physically healed, does it still leave a mark in other ways? According to the World Health Organization (2002), victims of sexual assault are:
- 3 times more likely to suffer from depression.
- 6 times more likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder.
- 13 times more likely to abuse alcohol.
- 26 times more likely to abuse drugs.
- 4 times more likely to contemplate suicide.
These shocking statistics beg the question: What greatness have we missed out on from these women? What precious gems of contribution to our society have we been deprived of, all stemming from violence? I suppose we will never know. What I do know is more must be done to eradicate this culture of violence and victimization. Because seriously…HALF? Something is very broken here.
I will admit, there are days when I wish I was the CEO of a company more simple in nature. There’s a great soap store in Boulder that I covet to own, because it seems like a pretty carefree operation to run. What’s a tough decision for that store manager? Lavender or Patchouli? But then I think of this quotation by Hillary Rodham Clinton:
“I’ve often thought that when something is hard for you, whether it’s going to law school or anything else that challenges you, that’s probably what you should do.”
Women’s Safety Manifesto, Part 2 – Coming soon…
Sep
20
The following post was written by yours truly for a yoga blog at Spiral Wellness, a new yoga hot spot here in Denver. Founded by Laura Jaster, I think she’s one of the best pre/post natal yoga instructors around. Be sure to check out Spiral at http://www.spiralwellness.com and get a free week of yoga!
Yoga has a place in birth, regardless how baby comes into the world – whether it’s natural, using pain medication or via scheduled or emergency c-section. (To read my birth story, click here.) The basic fundamentals roll into any stressful, painful or scary situation (which most women feel at some point during the birth process), and help keep us in the moment as the miracle of life unfolds. Below are the 3 yogic lessons that I actively relied upon during my 8 hours of active labor…I hope they help you too!
1. Choosing to be present.
I think all pregnant women should take pre-natal yoga classes at Spiral…and they should also read a book called The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. When feeling fear or pain, we naturally want to escape to some other time or place. But during labor, there is no escape from the sensations that take over (without medication), and this can cause great anxiety and fear. In my case I had severe back labor, and I found no position gave me relief or comfort. I found myself using breaks between surges to think about the pain of the last contraction and to fear the next one on deck. This was a total waste of energy, because I was using my rest period to get more stressed out! Yoga helped me consciously identify this early on. As hard as it was, I chose to ride the wave of a contraction as it happened, to bask in the break when I had one, and to accept the new contraction as it arrived. (And I emphasize that it’s a choice. A natural response to pain is to fight it, but through yoga we can rise above our physical circumstances.)
2. Learning to surrender.
Because there was no escape from the pain, I learned to surrender to the wisdom of my body. I found great hope and strength in my 6 year yoga practice, recalling times when my teachers have assured us we could hold a pose just 3 breaths longer – even when every muscle is shaking and you think it’s impossible! I have yoga to thank for not only appreciating my body for what it is, but knowing I can rely on it to get me through difficult situations. Laura’s pre-natal classes specifically helped me surrender to the greatness of the female body and what we are capable of.
3. Breathing.
I saved the most important yogic lesson for last. Without breath, there is no life. And since birth is the act of bringing new life into this world, there is no higher lesson. Pain can often lead to fear, which leads to tension, which leads to one holding their breath. Ironically, this leads to more pain, more fear and more tension…and complete and utter exhaustion as your body fights itself. The midwives told me the #1 reason mamas transfer from the birth center to the hospital is exhaustion, and I believe it. Birth is like an endurance race…can you imagine finishing a marathon without breathing? B.K.S. Iyengar once said, “When you inhale, you are taking the strength from God. When you exhale, it represents the service you are giving to the world.”
And what greater service can we provide as women, than to perpetuate life?
Sep
17
September e-News
Filed Under Erin Weed's Blog, In the News | Leave a Comment
September 2009 Monthly e-News from Fight Back Productions
Click here to subscribe
September is National Campus Safety Awareness Month, but many co-eds haven’t felt so secure lately. The recent murder of 24-year-old pharmacology student, Annie Le, at Yale University has shocked the nation. America had been watching for days as the search for Annie took place, which many hoped was due to ‘cold feet’ in anticipation of her upcoming nuptials. But sadly, her body was discovered this past Sunday, which was supposed to be her wedding day. The layers of tragedy seem endless, and my heart goes out to Annie’s family.
When campus crimes like this make national news, I get a flood of emails from concerned parents of college students. The query is usually the same: “How can I keep my child safe while on campus?” To answer this question, I pulled together my favorite campus safety tips and created a FREE campus safety fact sheet. (Click here to view the e-news and download the PDF) In observance of National Campus Safety Awareness Month, will you please forward it to anyone attending college or who loves a college student? Feel free to make copies and distribute widely!
My advice to parents and students alike is to start a conversation about campus safety. As a guide, check out my book: Girls Fight Back! The College Girl’s Guide to Protecting Herself. It’s the only book out there just for young women on campus, and I hope it helps female co-eds avoid bad situations…and fight back if necessary. Get FREE SHIPPING ON BOOKS if you order by 5 pm EST tomorrow (Friday). We can ship directly to your favorite college girl as a back-to-school gift, and all books will be autographed by me. Enter the coupon code CAMPUS to redeem this special offer. Click here to buy the book.
And in case you were wondering, I finally gave birth! On August 18, 2009 we welcomed a baby boy named Miles Patrick into the world. He was 8 lbs, 4 oz and 22 inches long. I finally understand the amazing, protective, unconditional love that only parents can have for their kids…
Strong. Resilient. Spirited. Unified.
Erin Weed
Sep
2
Birth Story
Filed Under Erin Weed's Blog | 7 Comments
*NOTE: Natural childbirth was awesome for me, but it’s not for everyone for a variety of reasons. Thank God we live in a country where we have choices and medical options available for both mom and baby! This post is not intended to judge anyone for choices they make, as I believe all women choose what is best for themselves and their family. This is just my story as it happened – nothing less, nothing more.*
Yesterday we took our newborn son to the doctor for his two week check-up at the pediatrician’s office. The nurse gave him a hepatitis B shot in his upper thigh, and the little guy screamed his face off. I felt like killing that nurse with my bare hands for causing pain in my child. And that’s when I realized I’d been bitten by the bug of parental love…a love so protective and instinctual that it makes you nuts.
We found out we were pregnant in November 2008, but it took awhile to get excited about it. After a miscarriage last summer, I was afraid to get my hopes up. But as my belly grew, so did our anticipation. We found a good doctor and I continued my crazy travel schedule, giving safety & self-defense seminars across the United States. I became an expert on puking in pretty much any public place, since morning sickness kicked into full gear as my travels got underway. Did you know many airlines no longer have barf bags? If I get any spare time in the next few months, I’m gonna write a few letters about that.
We made the decision early on to have a natural, unmedicated birth. I saw the documentary The Business of Being Born (created by Ricki Lake) which opened my eyes to the rising number of medical interventions in healthy pregnancies and births. While pain in childbirth wasn’t something I was looking forward to, I believe in my body and the idea that women were made to do this. I felt strongly about giving our baby the chance to make an entrance into this world without any medication and very little stress. To prepare, we did Bradley Method and Hypnobirthing classes in addition to reading lots of books like Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth.
I took a tour of the labor and delivery ward at the hospital when I was 33 weeks pregnant. The word “meltdown” doesn’t begin to explain my reaction to this place. I had been assured the L&D area had a holistic feel and was “homey.” But honestly, this ward was about as homey as a mental institution. As the rules were explained about giving birth there, I felt utterly dejected. This was not the birth I had hoped for, and I had an awful feeling about this hospital…I actually felt FEAR. That’s when I realized my intuition was warning me. As I’ve taught so many women in my presentations, the definition of intuition is “knowing something without knowing why.” After many tears and some Baskin & Robbins peanut butter & chocolate ice cream, Peter and I knew we had to seek another option.
Enter the most amazing birth center and midwives under the sun at Mountain Midwifery in Englewood, CO. Never in my life have I received such attentive emotional, physical and medical care. The entire staff is kind, fun, personable, empathetic and accepted me as a patient very late in the game. (Could have had something to do with my threat to have my baby on their door step if they didn’t let me in…I know, I’m a psycho. But I was kidding…kind of.) Honestly, I love these women and think everyone should at least investigate the idea of having a baby at a birth center and under the care of Midwives.
So that brings us to the eve of the birth on August 17, 2009. I had a full day of meetings and project work, as the Girls Fight Back Fall Tour is about to begin. I was tired of being pregnant, my “Shrek Feet” were puffy and out of control, my belly was enormous and I was ready to meet this creature inside me that was plagued by 24 hour a day hiccups. Peter made his spicy chicken tacos, which we now refer to as “Labor Tacos.” (Nice foreshadowing, eh?)
Less than 3 hours later, we started getting ready for bed. Just as I was about to request a small crane to peel my huge ass out of the couch, I heard a weird “pop” sound inside my belly. (Kinda like when you pop your knee.) Turns out this popping sound was my water breaking. All our classes said that water breaking doesn’t mean you’re having a baby right away. For some women (especially first-time mamas) it can be another day before baby comes, so I thought we had time. But less than a minute later I felt my first contraction, which was way more powerful than I anticipated for early labor. About 3.5 minutes later, the next one came…and 3 minutes later the next one came. (We geeked out and used an iPhone app called Contraction Master to time these – I highly recommend it.) That’s when I realized my body skipped early labor altogether. I was in ACTIVE labor right off the bat, and our midwife named Sarit told us to get in the car and drive to the birth center.
After a grueling 30 minute drive, we arrived at the birth center by 1 am. I was dialated 6 cm and 100% effaced. I practically dove head-first into that amazing birthing pool, and spent the entire night laboring in every position short of swinging from a chandelier. Baby was having a hard time clearing the cervix, so with each contraction Sarit was holding open the cervix while I pushed. (And yes, that felt about as awesome as it sounds.) At times I didn’t know if I could do it, and seriously questioned my judgment on the whole natural childbirth thing. But I remembered from our Bradley Method classes that all women doubt themselves (and their sanity) at the very end…and that meant I was close. Thankfully baby finally pushed past the cervix and into the birth canal around 6 am. At this point I had been in full-throttle labor for almost 7 hours and hadn’t slept for almost 24 hours. Delirious doesn’t begin to describe my mental state at that point, but the Midwives saw baby’s head…
After realizing how close I was, my creepy motivational speaker persona emerged. I actually said to the midwives and nurses in attendance at that point, “OK Team! Let’s do this!” (Seriously, who says that in the throws of labor?) After 35 minutes of pushing, baby made his grand entrance at 7 am sharp on August 18, 2009. Because of a shift change at the birth center, 2 nurses and 3 midwives were in attendance (Sarit, Nancy & Sarah) and Nancy actually caught him.
We named our son Miles Patrick. He was 8 lbs. 4 oz. and 22 inches of pure love.
Right away our son was placed on my belly, and I couldn’t believe I just pushed out this slimy little cone-headed man. Peter got into bed with me, and the three of us just lay there and stared at each other, cried tears of joy and pretty much marveled at the miracle of life we had just experienced. Then we took a 3 hour nap with Miles on our chests, and the Midwives prepared me an herbal bath. By 2 pm that afternoon, we were at home with our new baby.
Giving birth naturally pushed me to the very end of my physical, mental and emotional limits and was the most intense experience my husband and I have ever had. Despite the pain and exhaustion, I came out on the other side knowing I can pretty much do anything. It was by far, the most accomplished I’ve ever felt in all my life and will probably remain the hardest, yet best thing I have ever done. Many have asked me if I’d do it again, and my answer is a resounding YES.
(For anyone considering natural childbirth, I’m planning to write more posts about the topic. Please sign up in the box at left to have my blog posts delivered straight to your inbox via Feedburner.)
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