Nov

30

I want to cry on Oprah’s couch

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Today I dropped off my child at daycare for the first time. Let me tell you, nothing is more embarrassing than a gaggle of happy infants staring at the 32-year-old crying lady…and the crying lady is YOU.  I removed myself from the infant room, as to not embarrass my son.

“What the hell is wrong with me?” I bewildered. We toured every daycare place in a 20 mile radius, did background checks, grilled the school directors…and we found a place that we felt safe and that would take good care of our baby while we work. I am confident in our decision, so why does this feel so bad?

I think I finally understand all those sobbing women on Oprah episodes.  Tired, frazzled and frustrated they can’t do it all, they end up running themselves into the ground. I always believed their woes seemed a little dramatic. I guess I thought I’d manage better.  But there I was, sobbing in the infant classroom while Miles was happily meeting his new friends. Clearly I guessed wrong.

I had a realization as we drove away. My source of sadness this morning was not in leaving my child at a scary place (it’s a great daycare), or that he would be upset (he was having a blast). I was bummed I had to bring him to daycare in the first place, and sad that I can’t run a business AND be an incredible mom simultaneously. When I write that, it sounds ridiculous. Of course nobody can be a stellar entrepreneur and mom in the same moment! But in some strange way, that is what I expected from myself…and it seems this is something that many parents (not just moms) struggle with.

“We come into this world head first, and go out feet first. In between, it is all a matter of balance.” – Paul Boese

I have no wisdom to share in this blog post, but I’m hoping you do. Here’s to finding some equilibrium…

Nov

26

Giving Thanks

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This time last year, I was a little freaked out. I was newly pregnant, and started realizing my life was going to change in a big way…both personally and professionally.  While I felt grateful for the blessing of a new life, it didn’t change the fact that I wasn’t ready to leap into the abyss of the unknown. But even when you don’t feel prepared, the world keeps on turning. I am thankful for getting tossed out of my comfort zone.

Since Thanksgiving of 2008, many things have happened. We selected and trained a team of amazing speakers (Megan, Michaela, Heather & Jaime) to give Fight Back Productions seminars at schools, colleges and corporations across the country. I found a stellar Marketing Coordinator (Jenn) two incredible Program Directors (Cheryl & Dianna) to arrange these events, in addition to joining forces with the award-winning agency, Bass-Schuler Entertainment.  Together we booked the busiest semester to date this past Fall, giving personal safety seminars in over 40 cities. We already have 30 stops on the Spring ‘10 Tour planned, and we’re just getting going. I am thankful for a rock solid team.

This past August I gave birth to my first baby, a little boy named Miles. His entry into this world was awesome, and the past 3 months of learning, growing, adapting and letting go of perfection have been enormous life lessons for me. I am thankful to be someone’s mom.

I’ve always read that kids make life chaotic, but for me, Miles has slowed me down and helped me smell the roses. I’ve relaxed a bit, simply because I had to. I recall a few days after he was born, I was awake most of the night.  While feeding him at about 5 am, I looked out the window and noticed the sun was starting to rise.  Minutes later it was over, and I realized I hadn’t stopped to watch a sunrise from start to finish in close to a decade. I am thankful that each new day gives me another opportunity to make this life count.

Whether you’re at our table today or somewhere across the globe, I am grateful for you.  It’s our first Thanksgiving dinner cooking totally alone, so wish me luck with science experiments like turkey roasting, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes and cranberries.  And if these dishes end up being a total disaster, I’ll be thankful for Chinese take-out.

Nov

18

Speaking Tips for Personal Safety Educators

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Speaking is a whole different ball game than teaching a self-defense class, and it should be handled differently for maximum effectiveness.  Here are my top 5 tips for SD instructors who are asked to give a speech…

#1: Identify the goal of the speech. Is it to inform? To inspire? To get the audience to sign up for a self-defense course? Begin with the end in mind, and work backwards from there.  Sometimes I even write the goal on a little piece of paper and keep it in my pocket during the speech.  If I start getting side-tracked, I remember what I wrote and bring the message back to the goal.  It’s kinda like yoga class, when you set an intention before starting your practice.

#2: Mirror your audience to some degree. If they are teen girls, they may want a lighter approach, and address the safety issues affecting them (acquaintance rape, peer pressure, dating violence). If they are security professionals, they may want a more hard-core talk (workplace violence, academic studies on violence prevention). But don’t make assumptions about your audience. I highly recommend asking the contact organizing your speaking engagement about background on the audience before you take the mic.  (Ideally days or weeks prior, so you can meditate on this.) What you learn may help when deciding which jokes to use, language to avoid, what outfit to wear, etc. Obviously you need to be authentic, and don’t want to be someone you’re not…but studies have shown that audiences connect to speakers who they can relate to.

#3: Honor the time commitment. There’s nothing worse than a speaker who is asked to talk for 15 minutes, and talks for an hour. It’s ignorant and rude, and you’ll totally lose the audience and offend the organizer.  More is NOT better in this case.

#4: Have fun! A speech is different than a self-defense class. You gotta keep it light if you want people to connect with the message and take the next steps.  Many instructors have incredible training, which can be intimidating to women with no experience. Coming across as too bad-ass could make the attendees walk away thinking, “She was awesome, but I could never do that…”  Personally, I don’t find this to be a successful outcome if the goal is motivating women to become their own best protectors. Reminding yourself to have fun also helps calm nerves if you’re feeling jittery.

#5: Always end the speech with “next steps.” It’s such a shame when a great speaker does an excellent job and the audience is all fired up…but they give the people no instructions for how to take the next step. Decide what you can offer the audience and give them clear instructions on how to move forward.  (Possible next steps could be: buy a book, take a class, attend a community event, etc.)  Whatever you do, give them clear directions.  If you can use PowerPoint and have a handout with these steps written out, even better. Many people are visual learners and need to SEE it.

I think having the skill of speaking publicly can only help our cause of ending violence against women. Ellen Snortland once told me the suffragists largely attribute the success of their campaign for a woman’s right to vote to the fact they went on speaking tours to cities across the US.  Speaking up = change!

Nov

15

Making Self-Defense Fun

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Lately I’ve been talking to women’s safety instructors about low class attendance for a skill that can save a person’s life.  It’s a common frustration among most self-defense instructors, even those who are internationally known, when it comes to marketing safety and self-defense education to everyday women.  Despite the excellent education that so many instructors offer, in many cases these classes are duds, with only a few people in attendance.

I believe there are many reasons for this, one of the biggies being that women are flat-out SCARED of something bad happening to them…and consequently are afraid of confronting that possible reality in a self-defense class.  As a result, many class attendees who actually show up have put off taking a class for years, are nervous to be there, recently survived an attack or “close call” or are forced to attend. (Often the case with moms making their daughters go…while ironically, those same moms often never take a class themselves.)  This can be a tough crowd in regards to helping them relax, opening their minds and filling their brains and bodies with new ideas of what they are capable of.

This begs the question…what if we got this education to women in other ways, with less pressure?  What if we made self-defense classes like swim lessons?  The lessons are fun, but the goal is teaching young people to not drown. (Scary outcome, fun process learning to avoid it.)  What if we looked at models like Jazzercize?  It was created after Judy Sheppard Missett saw the high turnover rate of dance classes, so she threw in a fitness component and some crazy humor.  The idea? Have fun while getting fit.  Why is fun so taboo when it comes to self-defense?  Is it possible for the education to be even MORE effective if people are relaxed while they hear our message of safety?

When people are laughing, they are listening.  And when they are listening, they’re learning.  And when they are learning, they become empowered.  And that’s when change happens.

I’d like to pose this question to all women: What would make the idea of taking a self-defense class or martial arts less scary to you?  A clean, pretty studio? Women only?  More “friendly” marketing materials?  Or shouldn’t self-defense be fun at all?  Please comment…

Nov

12

Denver Self-Defense Classes

Filed Under Erin Weed's Blog, Girls Fight Back! | 2 Comments

Girls Fight Back started in Hoboken, New Jersey in 2001 at a place called The Bar at 10th and Willow.  Why a bar, you ask?  Because the manager – a guy named Mario – had 7 sisters, believed in what I was doing and gave me the space for free.  After getting certified by the American Women’s Self Defense Association as an instructor, I began holding weekend classes in the bar, and women all over the tri-state area attended.  I remember banging on Mario’s apartment door at 10 am, so he’d let me into the bar to start class.  (He went to bed at 6 am on weekends, so he probably cursed my name a lot those mornings…)

Today I’m excited to announce a new partnership with Denver’s coolest yoga hot spot, Spiral Yoga & Wellness.  Starting November 21st, I will be teaching a 2-hour women’s self-defense workshop at Spiral once a month. (Normally the workshops will take place on the 2nd Saturday of each month – except for the first one in November, which is the 3rd Saturday.)  Then in January 2010 I’ll start teaching an ongoing self-defense class every Wednesday night from 7 – 8:30 pm. (Whoop-Ass Wednesdays)  These weekly classes are structured like yoga.  Pay as you go, $15 per class, come every week or just once a month…no contracts, so you decide! (Note: You must attend one of our 2-hour workshops as a pre-requisite before starting weekly classes with me in January.  This way, all students will begin the classes with an understanding of verbal self-defense, prevention strategies and other basic fundamentals. If you can’t make the Nov. 21 workshop, be sure to attend the one on December 12.)

Teaching again is very exciting for me.  For the past few years I’ve been mostly speaking, writing and traveling.  My average crowd size tends to be in the hundreds, sometimes even more than a thousand.  But getting back to the basics, teaching a small group of spirited women and girls…well, I find this invigorating.  I hope you’ll join me…please spread the word.  Space is limited!  Here are details for the first workshop:

Saturday, Nov. 21, 2009
2:00 – 4:00 pm
@ Spiral Yoga & Wellness
4106 Tejon Street
Denver, CO 80211
$20 per person (women/girls ages 12 and up)
Click here for details and registration

Nov

1

My Adventures with TSA

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TSA

On my way to Pennsylvania last week, I opened my luggage, and found this note. (click on the image) Wha?? I guess I always pretended to believe that TSA didn’t actually look at my personal items and have opinions about it.  Guess I was wrong.  But at least he/she left a nice little note congratulating me on my book.  (Which so happened to be one of the contents of my bag…) Thanks for your support and encouragement, TSA. Maybe next time I’ll add you to the acknowledgments.

On the way back from Cincinnatti on Saturday, I experienced the joy of educating some old men who work security about the purpose of breast pumps and how to effectively travel the nation while keeping milk at the proper temperature.  When you have a baby as hungry as mine, that stuff is more valuable than gold! (No pump n’ dump for this mama…)  Here was the conversation as I approached the security line:

Me:  Hey, just so you know, a gallon of milk is coming through.
TSA dude #1:  OK, I’ll perform a test to make sure that is, in fact, breast milk.
Me: Um, alright.
*Test is performed with strange device. Success!*
TSA dude #1: So, don’t you have to freeze that stuff?
Me: Well yes, eventually.
TSA dude #1:  But it’s gotta stay cold, right? How do you do that?  Oh wait, is this personal?
Me:  Ugh, I guess it’s personal, but if you really want to know…I’ve been running a milk brewery in the back seat of my Chevy Cobalt this week. Got a cooler and ice from Wal-Mart, so it’s been chillin’.
TSA dude #1:  But wait, where is your infant?
Me: Huh? The reason I’m pumping is because I don’t have my infant with me. He’s at home and I’m on a business trip.
TSA dude #1:  *looks confused*  I don’t get it. But OK, you’re clear to go.
Me: Great, thanks.
TSA dude #2:  Miss! Stop right there!
Me:  Whoa! What did I do?
TSA dude #2:  Where is your infant?
Me: I just told that other guy, my infant isn’t with me…which is why I have a breast pump and a gallon of milk.
TSA dude #2:  *looks extremely confused*  I don’t get it.
TSA dude #1:  *runs over*  I cleared her. She can go.
TSA dude #2:  But where’s the baby?
Me: *wondering why this is so hard to understand…trying not to make a mad face*
TSA dude #1:  You can go.
Me: Um okay. *cautiously walks toward my gate, in fear I’m going to get tackled*

Is the concept of pumping breast milk really so hard to understand? What a debacle.  Looking forward to my next air travel adventure in December!