Today I dropped off my child at daycare for the first time. Let me tell you, nothing is more embarrassing than a gaggle of happy infants staring at the 32-year-old crying lady…and the crying lady is YOU. I removed myself from the infant room, as to not embarrass my son.
“What the hell is wrong with me?” I bewildered. We toured every daycare place in a 20 mile radius, did background checks, grilled the school directors…and we found a place that we felt safe and that would take good care of our baby while we work. I am confident in our decision, so why does this feel so bad?
I think I finally understand all those sobbing women on Oprah episodes. Tired, frazzled and frustrated they can’t do it all, they end up running themselves into the ground. I always believed their woes seemed a little dramatic. I guess I thought I’d manage better. But there I was, sobbing in the infant classroom while Miles was happily meeting his new friends. Clearly I guessed wrong.
I had a realization as we drove away. My source of sadness this morning was not in leaving my child at a scary place (it’s a great daycare), or that he would be upset (he was having a blast). I was bummed I had to bring him to daycare in the first place, and sad that I can’t run a business AND be an incredible mom simultaneously. When I write that, it sounds ridiculous. Of course nobody can be a stellar entrepreneur and mom in the same moment! But in some strange way, that is what I expected from myself…and it seems this is something that many parents (not just moms) struggle with.
“We come into this world head first, and go out feet first. In between, it is all a matter of balance.” – Paul Boese
I have no wisdom to share in this blog post, but I’m hoping you do. Here’s to finding some equilibrium…