Feb

21

AFLV and NACA

Filed Under Public Speaking, Random, Social Entrepreneurship | Leave a Comment

Last week was wild, and I’m just now recovering.  First learning point: I can’t run around the the country like I used to!  My journey began in St. Louis at the Association of Fraternal Leadership and Values conference, where I was asked to give our new Greeks Fight Back program to fraternity and sorority leaders.  It was late on the first day of their arrival, so everyone was a little tired. But it’s amazing how much people perk up when you start throwin’ eye jabs.

While I was at AFLV, I saw some awesome people and good friends.  I was especially excited to spend some quality time with my friend and creator of Response Ability, Mike Dilbeck. Response Ability is an exciting new program that addresses bystander behavior of college students.  I think his message is incredibly important because it affects most problems facing our campus communities today from drinking to violence to eating disorders.  It’s so easy to say “It’s none of my business” and not get involved…Mike challenges that and I really admire the film he produced, and the movement he started as a result of it.

I left St. Louey and flapped my wings to Boston for a big conference I’ve been looking forward to for a very long time.  It was the annual convention of the National Association of Campus Activities, and this year I was selected for the lecture showcase.  Now I’m not sure how many hundreds or thousands of speakers apply for the 14 coveted slots. All I can tell you is that when I got the news last Fall that I’d been chosen, I was driving and had to pull over on the side of the highway because I was doing the happy-shreik-cry-scream-hyperventilate thing…and it just wasn’t safe for me to be operating a vehicle at that time.  So needless to say, this was a big deal and a huge honor. *bow*

NACA is the most glorious little fun-land, time-warp, freak-show circus with some of the most interesting and inspiring people.  Case in point, the Lectures Showcase I was part of on Monday morning.  Here was the line-up, each of us having 15 minutes to present our program’s most interesting highlights. (Which by the way, is the absolute hardest thing for a speaker to do…especially those of us accustomed to having 90 minutes to yap our trap!)  First up was Teri Nicolai, a victim of domestic violence whose ex-husband kidnapped her, sealed her inside a garbage can partially packed with snow and left her in an unheated storage unit. Her miraculous story of survival and strength was so inspiring. Next was Dan Clark, who you may better recognize as “Nitro” from American Gladiators. One of my childhood heroes, me and Nitro became buddies and I’m hoping one day to jaust him. (He was undefeated on the show in this event.)  I spoke after Nitro – and what a rush! Over a thousand people in attendance, and so little time – a no-fail formula for sweaty pits.  After me, Blake Mycoskie spoke. He’s the founder of Tom’s Shoes and in my opinion, one of the greatest social entrepreneurs of all time!  For each pair of Tom’s Shoes you buy, the company donates a pair to a child in need. Genius.  After Blake, my dear friends Shawn Decker and Gwenn Barringer took the mic, speaking about their marriage (and sex life) with Shawn being HIV positive (or as he calls it, being a “positoid”) and Gwenn being HIV negative.  If you want to read one of the greatest books ever, check out My Pet Virus – written by Shawn. Memoirs about growing up with HIV are not normally described as “hilarious,” this one is. Read it and get ready to pee your pants.

Anyway, there were more speakers but I’ll stop there. You see what I mean – just awesome, inspiring people with messages that can really make this world a better place. It was an honor to be part of it. I was in Boston for about 5 days total, having a blast and working the Girls Fight Back booth along with GFB speaker, Megan. The final night, Megan and I took a picture with another childhood hero of mine, Dennis Haskins – better known as Mr. Belding from “Saved by the Bell.”  Way to end this conference on a high note…thumbs up all around!

Feb

2

Big Hairy Scary Things

Filed Under Peace & Happiness, Random | 4 Comments

Each year, I try to do something that scares me – I call it a “Big Hairy Scary Thing.” (BHST) Now I’m not talking about “haunted house” or “Brazilian wax” sort of scary. It’s got to be something that actually makes you better, helps overcome a limiting belief or teaches you something from the experience.  While writing this post, I realized I’ve been doing this for ten years now – ever since graduating college. Here is a concise list of the past 10 years of my self-inflicted terror:

2000 – Moved from the cozy confines of my parents’ house in Chicago to Hoboken, NJ.  Got a job working in broadcasting in New York City. Moved in with my boyfriend and horrified my God-lovin’ mother by doing so. Learned that you reach an age where your parents actually don’t know best anymore, as much as they’d like to disagree. (I love you Mom!)

2001 – Fear pretty much summed up the year 2001, and my BHST was to learn to fight with some of the best self-defense experts in the world.  Shannon McNamara was murdered in June, followed by the fall of the Twin Towers that September. I commuted into the World Trade Center every day at the time, and fate made me late for work that day.  I learned to grieve, to feel fear, and to not be paralyzed by it.

2002 – Quit my job at Miramax Films. Decided to officially incorporate Girls Fight Back, and begin speaking professionally as a full-time career. Learned that starting a business is one of the biggest, hairiest things a person can do!  Also learned that most people fear public speaking more than death itself, but thankfully that was not the case for me. Otherwise 2002 would have brought a lot more pit stains.

2003 – Did a national TV appearance, in front of a live studio audience. I was a guest on the John Walsh Show on NBC (watch it here), and almost peed my pants. Did a few more interviews in 2003. Learned that sometimes big, hairy, scary things tend to become less intimidating the more you face them. In 2003 I also faced Shannon’s murderer in a 2-week murder trial. It still reigns as the worst two weeks of my life. I learned the incredible power of friends and family who rally around a loved one…even when that loved one is gone.

2004 – Got married. (Not so scary – but certainly significant.) Was offered a book deal with a top publisher in New York.  Decided to walk away from it, since the terms gave me no control of final edits (including Shannon’s story).  Then got sued by my book agent for a multitude of long-winded reasons.  After settling, decided to give the middle finger to the book publishing industry and self-published instead. Learned that sometimes, you just gotta do things yourself. (Except when it comes to contracts – always have a lawyer look at those.) Also learned how lucky I was (still am) to have a partner so supportive of my mission.  Surround yourself with people who believe in you!

2005 – Wrote my book: Girls Fight Back! The College Girl’s Guide to Protecting Herself. It was a new, second version that was totally on my own terms. For ADHD people like myself, this is beyond big, hairy and scary! I set a deadline of Cinco de Mayo, and rewarded myself with a top shelf margarita when I accomplished it.  I learned that trusting intuition (even when it leads you down a more difficult path) is the best advice I’ve ever given or taken. I also learned how motivated I can become when a margarita is at stake.

2006 – Opened New Jersey’s first women’s self-defense school in Hoboken. Released my book. Lived on airplanes. Did more speaking events than I thought possible for a human being. Learned I took on too much, and that I’m a serial over-committer. Also learned how to do yoga and meditation in an attempt to hold it all together. Sadly, I learned that I’m not a gifted yogi or zen meditation guru.  I still struggle with over-commitment and breathing in general…

2007 – Closed the self-defense school and my husband quit his job. We moved to Colorado just because we love it here.  I learned that driving 1,800 miles behind a Penske truck that maxes out at 59 mph really sucks.  Hubby learned that actually driving said truck sucks much worse.

2008 – We decided to start a family. Got pregnant. Miscarried. Got pregnant again. Learned we are really not in control, and sometimes you have to believe in something bigger than your day planner.

2009 – ‘Twas the year of replication!  Found and trained a team of speakers to give the Girls Fight Back seminar. Learned that if you build it, they will come – and often times they will surprise you with their awesomeness. Also had our first baby, a boy named Miles.  Learned that natural childbirth hurts…a lot. (Read my Birth Story here) But also acquired a new respect for the female body and spirit. I learned to love deeper, have patience and be productive on just 3 hours of sleep.

So what’s on deck for this year?  After watching Drew Barrymore’s directing debut of “Whip It” last week, I’m thinking Roller Derby.  My name will be Weed Wacker.

What are your big hairy scary things this year?