Each June for the past decade, the entire month has been an absolute emotional train wreck for me. My friend Shannon, who inspired GFB back in 2001 after a brave fight against a serial killer, was murdered on June 12th. Her birthday is June 21st, a glorious reminder she was born – but also that she is gone.
As anyone who has a painful anniversary can attest to, even happy occasions have a funny way of being sad. Side Note: Please keep this in mind as the holidays are upon us. Remember to be extra kind and give extra space to those in pain – even if much time has passed since their loss or trauma. We all heal in our own divine time.
This past June sucked as usual, as I wallowed in 10 years of painful memories. But something happened in July, right after it was over. I felt this weird closure, like I was done with the grief and the ritualistic mourning period that set in each summer. It freaked me out a little, to be honest. It’s amazing how comfortable, even co-dependent, we can become with our life’s pain.
I started seeing that maybe June has always been a much bigger gift than a curse. I began to find meaning in everything that happens (even the bad stuff) and for the first time began to believe that we are all more interconnected – to each other, to our loved ones past and present, to the Universe – than is comfortable for most people to accept.
Earlier this Fall, I learned I was pregnant. And the due date?
June 2012
(Like the ‘knocked up’ shirt? Yeah, I’m classy like that.)
This new life, which according to those baby websites is about the size of a lime, has altered my outlook on the month of June forever. Instead of associating those 30 days with loss, I will now link it to growth. Growth of our family. Growth to my already heaping pile of blessings. Growth to this world, in hopefully a very positive way.
If you think about it, having one bad month a year for 10 years straight totals 300 days – almost a calendar year of misery. Then this little zygote who makes me puke in public and go to bed at 8pm changes everything.
And that, in itself, is a holiday miracle.
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
Congratulations. Great article.
We are so excited for you! We are here if you need anything!!
How wonderful. Congratulations- the world needs mums like you.
With warmest wishes from Across The Pond
We are so happy for you and Peter, Erin. I think your right about what you said that Shannon doesn’t want us to suffer through a beautiful month like June again. It’s a month where God gave us this beautiful girl and that’s what I focus on. She’s celebrating where she is now and wants us to join her, this baby will be the next best gift we’ll receive until Heaven<3. God bless you, Peter and Miles with a healthy beautiful baby! Love you, Erin
Congratulations Erin!! I’m very happy for you and your family and glad that you have felt a sense of closure. Everything happens for a reason, like you said. Good luck and I hope you feel better soon!
Congratulations Erin! I’m so sorry I didn’t get to see you at the Annual Meeting. Big congrats and best wishes in 2012, sounds like it’s going to be a great year!
Sooo happy for you and Peter
I loved this article and I love you!
Keep changing the world. <3
Such a wonderful miracle! Congratulations Erin!
Thanks for the great post, Erin! December was to me what June was to you. After formally grieving the short life of Gabe last year during this time, we are able to approach this month with more optimism after seeing a year full of successes and potential in our surviving son. I’m overjoyed for you and your family! xoxo
Congrats Erin! *My birthday is June 30th…just sayin’*
And thank you for the reminder about the holiday season – it’s not always the most wonderful time of the year, but we can make it better by giving of our time and our patience.
Congratulations to you and your family!