2000 – Moved from the cozy confines of my parents’ house in Chicago to Hoboken, NJ.  Got a job working in broadcasting in New York City. Moved in with my boyfriend and horrified my God-lovin’ mother by doing so. Learned that you reach an age where your parents actually don’t know best anymore, as much as they’d like to disagree. (I love you Mom!)

2001 – Fear pretty much summed up the year 2001, and my BHST was to learn to fight with some of the best self-defense experts in the world.  Shannon McNamara was murdered in June, followed by the fall of the Twin Towers that September. I commuted into the World Trade Center every day at the time, and fate made me late for work that day.  I learned to grieve, to feel fear, and to not be paralyzed by it.

2002 – Quit my job at Miramax Films. Decided to officially incorporate Girls Fight Back, and begin speaking professionally as a full-time career. Learned that starting a business is one of the biggest, hairiest things a person can do!  Also learned that most people fear public speaking more than death itself, but thankfully that was not the case for me. Otherwise 2002 would have brought a lot more pit stains.

2003 – Did a national TV appearance, in front of a live studio audience. I was a guest on the John Walsh Show on NBC (watch it here), and almost peed my pants. Did a few more interviews in 2003. Learned that sometimes big, hairy, scary things tend to become less intimidating the more you face them. In 2003 I also faced Shannon’s murderer in a 2-week murder trial. It still reigns as the worst two weeks of my life. I learned the incredible power of friends and family who rally around a loved one…even when that loved one is gone.

2004 – Got married. (Not so scary – but certainly significant.) Was offered a book deal with a top publisher in New York.  Decided to walk away from it, since the terms gave me no control of final edits (including Shannon’s story).  Then got sued by my book agent for a multitude of long-winded reasons.  After settling, decided to give the middle finger to the book publishing industry and self-published instead. Learned that sometimes, you just gotta do things yourself. (Except when it comes to contracts – always have a lawyer look at those.) Also learned how lucky I was (still am) to have a partner so supportive of my mission.  Surround yourself with people who believe in you!

2005 – Wrote my book: Girls Fight Back! The College Girl’s Guide to Protecting Herself. It was a new, second version that was totally on my own terms. For ADHD people like myself, this is beyond big, hairy and scary! I set a deadline of Cinco de Mayo, and rewarded myself with a top shelf margarita when I accomplished it.  I learned that trusting intuition (even when it leads you down a more difficult path) is the best advice I’ve ever given or taken. I also learned how motivated I can become when a margarita is at stake.

2006 – Opened New Jersey’s first women’s self-defense school in Hoboken. Released my book. Lived on airplanes. Did more speaking events than I thought possible for a human being. Learned I took on too much, and that I’m a serial over-committer. Also learned how to do yoga and meditation in an attempt to hold it all together. Sadly, I learned that I’m not a gifted yogi or zen meditation guru.  I still struggle with over-commitment and breathing in general…

2007 – Closed the self-defense school and my husband quit his job. We moved to Colorado just because we love it here.  I learned that driving 1,800 miles behind a Penske truck that maxes out at 59 mph really sucks.  Hubby learned that actually driving said truck sucks much worse.

2008 – We decided to start a family. Got pregnant. Miscarried. Got pregnant again. Learned we are really not in control, and sometimes you have to believe in something bigger than your day planner.

2009 – ‘Twas the year of replication!  Found and trained a team of speakers to give the Girls Fight Back seminar. Learned that if you build it, they will come – and often times they will surprise you with their awesomeness. Also had our first baby, a boy named Miles.  Learned that natural childbirth hurts…a lot. (Read my Birth Story here) But also acquired a new respect for the female body and spirit. I learned to love deeper, have patience and be productive on just 3 hours of sleep.

So what’s on deck for this year?  After watching Drew Barrymore’s directing debut of “Whip It” last week, I’m thinking Roller Derby.  My name will be Weed Wacker.

What are your big hairy scary things this year?

Since Thanksgiving of 2008, many things have happened. We selected and trained a team of amazing speakers (Megan, Michaela, Heather & Jaime) to give Fight Back Productions seminars at schools, colleges and corporations across the country. I found a stellar Marketing Coordinator (Jenn) two incredible Program Directors (Cheryl & Dianna) to arrange these events, in addition to joining forces with the award-winning agency, Bass-Schuler Entertainment.  Together we booked the busiest semester to date this past Fall, giving personal safety seminars in over 40 cities. We already have 30 stops on the Spring ‘10 Tour planned, and we’re just getting going. I am thankful for a rock solid team.

This past August I gave birth to my first baby, a little boy named Miles. His entry into this world was awesome, and the past 3 months of learning, growing, adapting and letting go of perfection have been enormous life lessons for me. I am thankful to be someone’s mom.

I’ve always read that kids make life chaotic, but for me, Miles has slowed me down and helped me smell the roses. I’ve relaxed a bit, simply because I had to. I recall a few days after he was born, I was awake most of the night.  While feeding him at about 5 am, I looked out the window and noticed the sun was starting to rise.  Minutes later it was over, and I realized I hadn’t stopped to watch a sunrise from start to finish in close to a decade. I am thankful that each new day gives me another opportunity to make this life count.

Whether you’re at our table today or somewhere across the globe, I am grateful for you.  It’s our first Thanksgiving dinner cooking totally alone, so wish me luck with science experiments like turkey roasting, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes and cranberries.  And if these dishes end up being a total disaster, I’ll be thankful for Chinese take-out.

Yoga has a place in birth, regardless how baby comes into the world – whether it’s natural, using pain medication or via scheduled or emergency c-section.  (To read my birth story, click here.) The basic fundamentals roll into any stressful, painful or scary situation (which most women feel at some point during the birth process), and help keep us in the moment as the miracle of life unfolds.  Below are the 3 yogic lessons that I actively relied upon during my 8 hours of active labor…I hope they help you too!

1.  Choosing to be present.

I think all pregnant women should take pre-natal yoga classes at Spiral…and they should also read a book called The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.  When feeling fear or pain, we naturally want to escape to some other time or place.  But during labor, there is no escape from the sensations that take over (without medication), and this can cause great anxiety and fear.  In my case I had severe back labor, and I found no position gave me relief or comfort. I found myself using breaks between surges to think about the pain of the last contraction and to fear the next one on deck.  This was a total waste of energy, because I was using my rest period to get more stressed out!  Yoga helped me consciously identify this early on.  As hard as it was, I chose to ride the wave of a contraction as it happened, to bask in the break when I had one, and to accept the new contraction as it arrived.  (And I emphasize that it’s a choice.  A natural response to pain is to fight it, but through yoga we can rise above our physical circumstances.)

2.  Learning to surrender.

Because there was no escape from the pain, I learned to surrender to the wisdom of my body.  I found great hope and strength in my 6 year yoga practice, recalling times when my teachers have assured us we could hold a pose just 3 breaths longer – even when every muscle is shaking and you think it’s impossible!  I have yoga to thank for not only appreciating my body for what it is, but knowing I can rely on it to get me through difficult situations.  Laura’s pre-natal classes specifically helped me surrender to the greatness of the female body and what we are capable of.

3.  Breathing.

I saved the most important yogic lesson for last.  Without breath, there is no life.  And since birth is the act of bringing new life into this world, there is no higher lesson. Pain can often lead to fear, which leads to tension, which leads to one holding their breath.  Ironically, this leads to more pain, more fear and more tension…and complete and utter exhaustion as your body fights itself. The midwives told me the #1 reason mamas transfer from the birth center to the hospital is exhaustion, and I believe it.  Birth is like an endurance race…can you imagine finishing a marathon without breathing? B.K.S. Iyengar once said, “When you inhale, you are taking the strength from God.  When you exhale, it represents the service you are giving to the world.”

And what greater service can we provide as women, than to perpetuate life?

My name is Erin Underwood Weed, and indeed, it’s a ridiculous name. The Erin is normal enough, but the Underwood throws people a bit, especially when they just see my middle initial is “U.”  I mean, what woman’s name besides Ursula starts with a U?  It’s actually a family name.  My great-great grandfather was the founder of the Erie Railroad, and had 5 daughters.  The family name was going to end, so my ancestors gave the middle name Underwood to their daughters.  This continued for almost 100 years. Now the last name Weed is just silly.  At graduation ceremonies throughout my life, laughter from the crowd usually joins my proud walk across the stage to receive my diploma. Thankfully I embraced the humor in it, and dodged any deep need for therapeutic emotional healing from the taunting.  My family embraced it so much so, that my father had the license plate of Weed 6.  (Weed being the last name, 6 people in our nuclear family.)  This illegal drug reference resulted in many encounters with the law as I began driving at age 16.

So how does this explain the new site?  I embrace the ridiculous of my name.  In fact, I love it.  So the main logo is a dandelion…a very colorful weed.  One of my staff members named Camella remarked recently, “I love the dandelion as your logo, because it reminds me of a child who brings one to his mother wanting to give her flowers.”  So as this blog evolves with me, I hope you’ll see my daily messages as something similar.  Ideas and experiences that just drop into your cyber-life to say hello, that I’m hoping to make this day a little better for you with my ridiculous meanderings and that beauty can really be found anywhere…even among the weeds.

Click here to watch us hit the rapids

So today I was still thinking about this on  my way to the office, and I passed a cute girl driving a white jeep with the top off.  As we saw each other we enthusiastically waved at each other. (This is normal behavior for people who drive beetles and jeeps.)  And this is when I realized, I will keep her.  She makes me happy.  And life is just too short not to wave, beep and smile at complete strangers.