Well it’s July, and I couldn’t be happier about it. If you’ve been following my posts in June, you know it’s always a rough month for me. Every June I’m coming down after a crazy spring semester of speaking, plus it’s emotionally heavy being the death anniversary of Shannon, and also her birthday. But you gotta love the universe, because it gives you what you need to hear. Today I met a woman named Mia, who is a gorgeous, successful entrepreneur here in Denver. We were talking about my difficulties in June and she told me that June 21st was the summer solstice, and is apparently the longest day of the year and widely celebrated around the globe. It’s also Shannon’s birthday. I researched it on the internet, and many religions celebrate June 21st as the “wedding of Heaven and Earth” resulting in the present day belief of a “lucky” wedding in June. I find this so interesting, because Girls Fight Back has always been a merging of heaven and earth, and I’ve often referred to Shannon as my boss, crackin’ the whip from above…

I think it’s okay for us to sometimes just walk away for a bit, fall apart for awhile if need be, and come back stronger and smarter and more determined than ever to live an incredible life. That’s where I’m at today, and I have arrived here largely through gratitude. I’ve been thinking about the incredible people, opportunities and experiences I’ve been given in my life. My family, for starters…really, I couldn’t be more blessed on that front. To have people who have believed in me and propped me up, especially my husband Peter Lacis @peterlacis. In general, I marvel at the incredible men that have graced my 32 years on this earth. Health is our greatest gift as humans, and it’s something that my family and I have enjoyed. (I send strong vibes to many friends of mine who are dealing with health challenges right now, or who have lost a loved one.) And children! How grateful I am for my 10-month-old son Miles. He’s given me the gift of seeing the world through an entirely new set of eyes. Miles laughs insanely at my pug’s face sometimes. And then you look at the pug and realize, “My God, you’re right! She’s the funniest looking creature in the world!” And I laugh with him.

I am also so grateful for my team @girlsfightback. The past 12 months of growth and expansion have been the most terrifying and most inspiring times…sometimes I feel both in the same day. Recently I looked around and realized Girls Fight Back has become what it was intended…to be much bigger than Shannon and WAY bigger than me. We are celebrating this fact by launching a new website soon. And guess what? If you’ve never seen the Girls Fight Back program, soon you can watch it. For free. Online. All 100 minutes of it. Then hopefully you’ll send the link to all your friends. Some of my business comrades think I’m nuts to “give it away” but isn’t that why we are here?  To help each other?  Why withhold that? (I’m grateful to my friend David Meerman Scott @dmscott for inspiring this.) I hope watching the program online energizes someone to be strong when they feel weak, to stand up when they just want to shrink, or to change the world when it would be so much easier just to stick with the status quo.

My friends, life is good. We are here for a reason. You are loved.

Thank you for your support and may every day be your solstice.

Every year, Sharon Rickerson (dear friend of the McNamara family) writes a beautiful piece on Shannon’s birthday. See below – it’s lovely, as always. Thanks for all you do Sharon, to make this day a little less bitter and more sweet.

Shannon Elizabeth McNamara
June 21, 1979 – Forever

Her name has an Irish wholesome, athletic sound. And she was like her name. Grand like the river that flows through the Emerald Isle. Natural, inspiring and beautiful! Shannon means Wise One, and she truly was. The Bible says wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. That was Shannon. She was a quiet leader, highly esteemed among her peers. Her life lived well enthused others and it still does today. It was her mother’s prayer when she left our world that she would never be forgotten. And that prayer was answered even before she was born. When Shannon was knit together in her mother’s womb God made an absolutely unforgettable person. Her loving heart, her beautiful face and the way her eyes sparkled when she laughed remain etched in our memories.

It was her exuberant love of life as well as her fight to live that inspired friend and sorority sister, Erin Weed in a mission to educate and empower women of all ages in personal safety and self-defense. We take great take comfort in knowing that Shannon’s untimely death was not in vain. Shannon’s fight was carried on by Erin who became the founder/CEO of Girls Fight Back (GFB). GFB seminars are attended by over 100,000 women annually in schools, colleges, corporations and women’s groups around the world. Shannon would be so humbled and grateful to Erin for pursuing such a noble cause in her honor. God alone knows all the ensuing good as He continues to bless Girls Fight Back, memorial scholarships and events established in her memory.

Shannon is as deeply loved and always remembered by her parents, her brother, her family and countless friends. And we cherish the memory of her heart felt love for us! Happy Birthday Shan!

The memory of the righteous will be a blessing. -Proverbs 10:7

Most people don’t ask me this question outright, but I know they are thinking it: Does self-defense really work?

That’s like asking the Sham-Wow guy if his towel really holds 12 times its weight in liquid, right? Hey, I welcome the believers and doubters alike, and I have more to offer you than my belief in the effectiveness of self-protection measures. But first, let’s figure out why it’s so hard to believe a woman can fight back and win.

I believe that doubt over the effectiveness of self-defense comes from a few places. First, many women feel insecure about their ability to fight back, simply because they have never received any training.  This is why we need to make self-defense training more available to all women, and introduce it earlier in life. Second, bad advice like “fighting back will only make him mad” seems to permeate trickle-down wisdom through generations. This advice is not only inaccurate, but also dangerous.

The NIJ (National Institute of Justice) commissioned a study in 2005 called The Impact of Victim Self Protection on Rape Completion and Injury, authored by Gary Kleck and Jongyeon Tark. Click here to read the entire 77 page study, or just read the highlights below.

• Potential victims who resisted their attackers, either physically and verbally, decreased the odds of being raped.
• Fighting back does not mean a woman is more likely to be injured.
• Self-defense significantly reduces the chances of being raped.
• Certain self-defense techniques reduce the risk of rape more than 80 percent compared to doing nothing.
• According to victims, the most effective ways to fight back include: attacking or struggling against their attacker, running away, and verbally warning the attacker.
• If your idea of self-defense is stalling, cooperating or screaming from pain or fear – these approaches actually increase your risk of injury. So if you’re going to protect yourself, it’s gotta be forceful and strong!

Kinda makes you re-think just how dangerous you can be with even simple self-protection measures! If you’ve been putting off learning self-defense, don’t delay any longer. Click here to read about some of my favorite self-defense programs who offer classes in cities across the USA.

I’ve been tracking the story of Phoebe Prince in the news, and am beyond saddened of her suicide.  She was the focal point of brutal bullying and manipulation, and took her own life in response.  Likely believing there was no other way out, her death was also her solution.

We owe our children better strategies to help them cope.

Don’t believe for a moment that Phoebe was the only girl in this country being ostracized and socially tortured. Countless young people endure this every day.  The difference is, most kids don’t kill themselves. Which brings me to the question…

Why do people have to die before we respond to situations like these?

I’m encouraged by the 41 states that passed legislation addressing the problem of bullying in America.  According to Stop Bullying Now, as of 2009 the 9 states listed below have not.  Shame on them:

Alabama
District of Columbia
Hawaii
Massachusetts
Michigan
Mississippi
Montana
North Dakota
South Dakota
Wisconsin

Whether you’re an adult, a parent, a child or a teen – there are effective strategies to tackle this issue. If you’re a concerned adult, get educated. E-mail your state representative.   Click here to learn more ideas of what adults can do.

If you are being bullied, please don’t take the same path as Phoebe.  You are not alone. And there are people who will help you. Click here to learn what kids can do.

January is Stalking Awareness Month, and a great website with tools, quizzes and resources is now available if this is something  you are dealing with.  I especially love their guidelines on how to create a Safety Plan.  Visit the website by clicking here – and help spread the word too!  http://stalkingawarenessmonth.org

Stalking is downright scary, and I know this on a very personal level.  It can make a person feel powerless, cause acute anxiety and feel totally out of control.  Please understand that each situation is different, and you need specific management of your individual case before deciding on any one course of action. Reach out for help, and don’t deal with this on your own. Here are 5 ideas to get you started…

#1:  Acknowledge the situation for what it is.  Might sound easy, but many people who are being stalked refuse to accept that the word STALK is appropriate. According to Safe Horizon, New York law defines stalking as a pattern of intentional, repeated, and unwanted behavior causing a person to fear for his/her own safety. A stalker can be anyone – a stranger, a relative or anywhere in between.

#2: Know the law. To find out the exact definition of stalking and possible ways to respond, know the laws in your state.  Visit the Stalking Resource Center at The National Center for Victims of Crime website by clicking here.

#3:  Read a book called “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker. By far, this is the best book I’ve read about intuition, de-escalating potentially violent scenarios and understanding the motives of people who pursue others inappropriately.  Click here to buy it.

#4:  Call the Stalking Hotline. Someone from Safe Horizon is available to speak with you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Call toll free: 866.689.HELP (4357). Check out their website by clicking here.

#5:  Take a self-defense class. Hopefully the steps above prevent you from having to physically save yourself. However, the skills you learn in a good self-defense class are much bigger than learning to do an eye jab.  Great classes will also teach you to recognize the signs of a violent person, how to use your intuition, ways to de-escalate bad situations and how to fight back if necessary.  I especially recommend classes by IMPACT and FAST Defense.

I hope this helps…stay safe!

The 9th Annual Girls Fight Back for Shannon Mac Fundraiser is officially announced, and we are very excited for it. This year all funds raised will be donated to a non-profit organization we are currently setting up called the Girls Fight Back Foundation. The Foundation is being created and run by our outstanding team of GFB Speakers: Jaime, Megan, Michaela and Heather. The focus of this organization will be to create a network of GFB Clubs at schools and colleges across the USA (and someday go global), which will promote women’s safety and self-defense education for young women. Here are the deets on the event:

What: Fundraiser for the Girls Fight Back Foundation
Host: Kate Lotz & Erin Weed
Start Time: Saturday, March 20 at 8:00pm
End Time: Saturday, March 20 at midnight
Where: Slugger’s (across from Wrigley Field)
3540 North Clark Street
Chicago, IL 60657
Cost: $30 which includes all well drinks, domestic beer, wine and soda

If you’re unable to attend, donations can be made to “Girls Fight Back Foundation” and mailed to:
Girls Fight Back!
4800 Baseline Rd.
Suite E104 #286
Boulder, CO 80303

We are seeking volunteers to help plan, promote & fundraise! Please email info@girlsfightback.com for details.

Girls Fight Back started in Hoboken, New Jersey in 2001 at a place called The Bar at 10th and Willow.  Why a bar, you ask?  Because the manager – a guy named Mario – had 7 sisters, believed in what I was doing and gave me the space for free.  After getting certified by the American Women’s Self Defense Association as an instructor, I began holding weekend classes in the bar, and women all over the tri-state area attended.  I remember banging on Mario’s apartment door at 10 am, so he’d let me into the bar to start class.  (He went to bed at 6 am on weekends, so he probably cursed my name a lot those mornings…)

Today I’m excited to announce a new partnership with Denver’s coolest yoga hot spot, Spiral Yoga & Wellness.  Starting November 21st, I will be teaching a 2-hour women’s self-defense workshop at Spiral once a month. (Normally the workshops will take place on the 2nd Saturday of each month – except for the first one in November, which is the 3rd Saturday.)  Then in January 2010 I’ll start teaching an ongoing self-defense class every Wednesday night from 7 – 8:30 pm. (Whoop-Ass Wednesdays)  These weekly classes are structured like yoga.  Pay as you go, $15 per class, come every week or just once a month…no contracts, so you decide! (Note: You must attend one of our 2-hour workshops as a pre-requisite before starting weekly classes with me in January.  This way, all students will begin the classes with an understanding of verbal self-defense, prevention strategies and other basic fundamentals. If you can’t make the Nov. 21 workshop, be sure to attend the one on December 12.)

Teaching again is very exciting for me.  For the past few years I’ve been mostly speaking, writing and traveling.  My average crowd size tends to be in the hundreds, sometimes even more than a thousand.  But getting back to the basics, teaching a small group of spirited women and girls…well, I find this invigorating.  I hope you’ll join me…please spread the word.  Space is limited!  Here are details for the first workshop:

Saturday, Nov. 21, 2009
2:00 – 4:00 pm
@ Spiral Yoga & Wellness
4106 Tejon Street
Denver, CO 80211
$20 per person (women/girls ages 12 and up)
Click here for details and registration

Tonight I know that somewhere, an angel was smiling down upon us.  In 3 different states (Ohio, Texas and Virginia) this evening, 3 of my speakers were giving Girls Fight Back seminars.  These events took place at Old Dominion University, Baylor University and Ohio State.  Wow.  To think that a year ago, I was in the thick of my Fall Speaking Tour, living on airplanes and wondering how I could possibly find people to help me expand the company.  I was exhausted, over-exposed and stressed.  I lay awake many nights knowing I had to seek and train young women to help me conduct the presentations, but how?  This seems to be the common thread in companies that grow.  Each has a CEO that lays awake wondering how the hell it’s all gonna go down, trying their best to ward off nightly panic attacks…

For me, the fire was lit under my ass to begin this expansion after finding out I was pregnant.  Not only did I want to expand our company, but at that point I absolutely had to!  Full knowing I’d be out of commission while on maternity leave, the plans began for finding some incredible young women to carry the torch.  That was November 2008, and by January 2009 we had speaker applications circulating on the web.  They were due in April 2009, and then we had a whirlwind of interviews, video submissions, in-person meetings and finally the GFB Academy in June.  That was probably the most inspiring week of my life, because with my own eyes I started to see what was possible.

And here we are today, just 3 months later.  Fight Back Productions (the parent company of Girls Fight Back, since we now give seminars for other demographics besides young women) is rockin’ and the speakers are making me proud.  Last year at this time, I was jet-setting around the nation, on stage in front of hundreds of people every night and blogging about my wild adventures.  What a difference a year makes – Today I was excited to get out of the house and go to Walgreens by myself and get a flu shot.  Ah, the joys of new motherhood…but I wouldn’t have it any other way.  My life, our company, this mission…we’re all damn blessed.

Check out the Fight Back Blog to read about the events tonight…and maybe some pictures too!

According to Wikipedia, a manifesto is a public declaration of principles and intentions.  I intend to do just that, as well as make suggestions on how to fix our damaged state of women’s safety education in the United States today.

My name is Erin Weed, and I’m the founder of Girls Fight Back and CEO of Fight Back Productions. We are a personal safety education company that teaches ordinary people they are capable of extraordinary things in the face of violence.  I plunged unexpectedly into the anti-violence movement in the aftermath of my life’s greatest tragedy, the murder of Shannon McNamara, in 2001.  For the past 8 years, I’ve been researching, training, writing, speaking, fighting and educating myself and others to become our own best protectors.  While that may sound noble, I’m actually writing this manifesto because I’d like to apologize. Because we, the personal safety and self-defense community, have failed you.

• To every woman who ever walked down a city street and looked over her shoulder with fear, and had no action plan if someone was to emerge from the shadows…
• To every teen girl who experienced unwanted or forced sex because she didn’t understand the word “NO” is her right (and also a complete sentence)…
• To every man who has loved a survivor of violence, and awakens in the night to her crying softly, hoping he doesn’t hear…
• To the woman I saw on Oprah today who was the recipient of our country’s first ever face transplant because her husband blew off her face with a shotgun…
• To that woman’s daughter, who had to explain to Mom that falling back into the arms of the man who permanently disfigured and nearly killed her probably wasn’t such a good idea…
• To the women who will never bother to read this because violent things don’t happen in your neighborhood…

To all of you, I’m sorry on behalf of the movement.  We don’t offer enough personal safety education, at an early enough age.  I’m sorry no one ever taught you how to set boundaries as a pre-teen. There are still child safety ‘experts’ preaching concepts like stranger danger, despite the fact the most likely person to molest a child is someone they know. There aren’t enough reputable self-defense classes available, and virtually no network by which you can find the good ones.  Or sometimes you find a great class, but are forced to choose between paying your rent or learning to fight that month. (Rent usually wins.)  I apologize we haven’t integrated life saving self-defense education in schools yet, despite useful classes like algebra (sarcasm) being mandatory to graduate.  Most self-defense instructors don’t market safety training in a way you can stomach, because we’re so hung up on visual martial arts symbolism like dragons and tigers. (Both of which can eat people, by the way -  scary.)  I’m sorry you aren’t validated more often that your intuition is correct, without needing to prove it.  I wish you were told just how powerful you really are when basic physical techniques merge with an adrenaline dump, instead of being told you’re doing the step-by-step of a pinning situation escape incorrectly.

In Spring 2009 I conducted an anonymous, online survey asking everyday women of all ages, races and geographic locations about their personal safety and self-defense education. It was their responses that spawned this manifesto, after months of their honest and sometimes haunting answers marinating in my brain.  I feel it is time to make some declarations about the state of female safety education in this country, or lack thereof.  Because of the 136 women who filled out my survey, 64 responded YES to the following question:

Have you ever experienced any sort of crime or assault?

Did you do the math?  That’s nearly HALF the respondents who said yes, admitting they have endured a violent act in their lifetime.  And given that 86% of the respondents are under age 40, this is not a long lifetime we’re talking about. HALF. Actually, let’s assume it’s more than half since experts say many survivors cannot (or will not) label certain painful life experiences as the crimes they are.  It just hurts too much.  HALF.  I’m sorry, but I can’t get out of my head that every party I’ve ever walked into, half the women sipping martinis in their little black dresses know this pain. Half of the 500,000 people I’ve spoken to in my seminars over the past 8 years understood the violence I spoke of all too well.  Sometimes I could see it in their eyes, but many hide their suffering expertly.

So let’s hypothesize, based on my un-scientific survey, that half our female population has endured violence in some form or another. After the blood is gone and the wounds are physically healed, does it still leave a mark in other ways?  According to the World Health Organization (2002), victims of sexual assault are:

• 3 times more likely to suffer from depression.
• 6 times more likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder.
• 13 times more likely to abuse alcohol.
• 26 times more likely to abuse drugs.
• 4 times more likely to contemplate suicide.

These shocking statistics beg the question: What greatness have we missed out on from these women? What precious gems of contribution to our society have we been deprived of, all stemming from violence? I suppose we will never know. What I do know is more must be done to eradicate this culture of violence and victimization.  Because seriously…HALF?  Something is very broken here.

I will admit, there are days when I wish I was the CEO of a company more simple in nature.  There’s a great soap store in Boulder that I covet to own, because it seems like a pretty carefree operation to run. What’s a tough decision for that store manager?  Lavender or Patchouli? But then I think of this quotation by Hillary Rodham Clinton:

“I’ve often thought that when something is hard for you, whether it’s going to law school or anything else that challenges you, that’s probably what you should do.”

Women’s Safety Manifesto, Part 2 – Coming soon…

Message from the August e-Newsletter…

The other night my husband and I went out for Thai food, and had a lovely dinner on the outdoor deck.  The sun was setting on a very productive day, and I had gotten many things crossed off my to-do list.  At the completion of the meal, our server brought us fortune cookies.  And let me tell you – I love fortune cookies.  Yes, they taste good, but I’m also a big believer in fate and subtle (or not so subtle) messages that are dropped in our laps.  (Or in this case, show up in our food.)  I always take my fortune cookie messages very seriously.

This night was no exception. Perhaps with everything going on right now, I built it up more than usual. With the busiest Fall Tour we’ve ever planned starting in September, and our first baby due next week, I am open to all the wisdom I can get.  As I cracked the cookie in half with nervous trepidation, I hoped it would rock my world.  And it said…

“About time I got out of that cookie.”

Really? A fortune cookie with a sense of humor? How fitting. And that’s when I knew this is the message I needed most. To relax, to live, to laugh…and to trust in the simple idea that everything is alright in good time.

Because things over here are better than alright…let me bring you up to speed on a few things.  First off, in June I trained a team of incredible speakers who will be carrying out all presentations this Fall while I’m on maternity leave.  You can meet them all by watching this brand new video on YouTube.

Second, you probably noticed we changed our official name to Fight Back Productions.  This came about as customers began asking for educational programs for female employees (Women Fight Back) and for mixed gender audiences at colleges (Students Fight Back).  It was time to develop a larger umbrella organization beyond Girls Fight Back that would be the home for all our educational programs.  And so it was…

Third, we are currently planning our biggest and busiest Fall Tour to date.  Please see the tour stops at right to see if we’re coming to a city near you.  If your school, college or business would like to book a stop on the tour, we offer discounts if you book when our speakers are in your area.  And if you work for a business that might be interested in becoming a tour sponsor, please contact us for an info packet.

So that’s the scoop! Until next time…I’m sending you simple joys and lots of  good fortune.

Strong. Resilient. Spirited. Unified.