Jun
12
Seven Years
Filed Under Erin Weed's Blog
Seven years ago today, one of my most amazing friends was murdered. As I write this, I’m sitting at a cafe in New York City…the same place where Girls Fight Back was born.
I would say “it seems like just yesterday” if I didn’t hate that cliché so much. Life has a funny way of flying by, and even when years have flown off the calendar, we’re sometimes left feeling unprepared, overwhelmed by time and incredulous of all that can happen in any given time period. When time flies, maybe we’re not living in the now, and we’re missing out on the best part of life. You know, the stuff that was occurring as you took that last inhale…
But I get why people say it, and I find myself wanting to use that cliché since today is a sad milestone. It was on June 12, 2001 when Shannon McNamara was killed at Eastern Illinois University. I have made that statement to over half a million people by this point. And you know what? Some days I think it has been easier to accept and say. Other days it seems more difficult. But it’s never seemed normal or right or fair, despite my best efforts to come to terms with it.
Seven years without Shannon. I woke up this morning at my in-law’s home in New Jersey. I shut off the alarm clock and sat up in bed. And the first thing I thought to myself was, “I’ve been fighting for seven years.” I didn’t think it so much as a good or bad thing. It’s just how it’s been.
Lately I’ve been thinking about why women seek or avoid learning about self-defense and personal safety. I’ve been asking women from all walks of life to understand what’s holding us back. I mean, why wouldn’t any of us want to know how to save our own life? And recently it has become somewhat clear. Perhaps more women are interested in seeking peace than fighting back. Why go to a self-defense class and get verbally assaulted and pinned by a mock assailant when you can take a yoga class instead? Why choose to put ourselves in staged (yet scary) situations that all of us dread and go to great lengths to avoid? I mean, after a day of work and kids and bills and life…doesn’t a glass of wine sound a tad more soothing than fighting off a padded attacker with a palm strike?
And after seven years of fighting, I’m wondering if a piece of the puzzle has been missing in my quest to teach women to lead strong and empowered lives. Just as yin has yang, and peanut butter has jelly, and Donnie has Marie. Maybe in the chaos of violence happening in our world today we must balance it with serenity. Several years ago my dear mentor, Bob Martin of Gavin de Becker & Associates, asked me a question. He inquired, “Why do women come to see Girls Fight Back seminars?” I told him that women simply want to know how to protect themselves. But he disagreed and said, “Women aren’t there to fight back. They just want to feel safe again.”
Bob is right. I know this from the eyes of countless women in my audiences over the years with that pleading look in their eyes. Almost as if to say, “Please tell me something that will make this pain stop. Please help me get my peace back. Please assure me it won’t happen again. Please say that my daughter will be safe at college. Please tell me there’s something I can do in case my boyfriend isn’t there to save me.”
I have told you in previous newsletters and blogs that I’m making a documentary. This coming Tuesday, June 17th we’re shooting a live seminar at Comcast Studios in Denver. Much of this footage will be used in the documentary, although I’m not totally sure of the film outcome. I’m taking my good friend Angela Shelton’s advice in just shooting it, and the story will tell itself. Lately I’m thinking there is a new chapter coming for Girls Fight Back. Maybe this movement is more significant than girl power or an effective eye jab. Maybe this eighth year will bring a more whole, peaceful, full-circle approach to women’s empowerment. Maybe there is more breathing and more silence. Maybe there is forgiveness.
This past week, a perky blue and orange sparrow has been spending a lot of time on my window sill. I’ve never seen a bird stare into someone’s house for hours on end the way he does. So much so, that my husband and I call him “Peeping Tom.” He’s so cute, and I find myself constantly checking the window to see if he’s there. Is it weird to believe that there are angels everywhere, looking in on you in their own little way? Many people who receive this newsletter knew Shannon, and June can be a hard time for you. So consider this note a virtual little Peeping Tom…just coming by to say hello, make you smile and serve as a reminder that each moment brings new meaning to the life we already have.
Strong. Resilient. Spirited. Unified.
Erin Weed
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6 Responses to “Seven Years”
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Wow! I can’t believe its been 7 years. What an inspiration you are to women everywhere. You’ve touched so many lives and will always hold a place in my heart. Thank you for keeping Shannon’s spirit alive.
Erica Murphy
AOE
Three years ago I enrolled my then 15 year old daughter in a four day, intensive self defense clinic for teenage girls conducted by Impact Chicago. She gained invaluable insight as a result of that introduction. This August she will head off to Eastern Illinois University as an in-coming freshman. I have a sense of peace knowing that she at least has a foundation for and an awareness of the dangers that lurk in dark places. Thank you, Erin, for your tremendous contribution to women of all ages in helping them understand the realities of life and teaching them the empowerment they deserve to manage those realities.
Remembering Shannon on her Birthday
A daughter, a sister and a friend so dear
We love you; we miss you and wish you were here
To our Heavenly Father we look and pray
Give us comfort and peace
and strength for this day
Our memories are treasured
and time is measured
While Shannon lives life without end
Day after day
and by Your grace
awaiting her embrace
Some day heaven, some day soon
Together, forever more
No need for us to remember then
We’ll have what we waited for
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for
and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1
Dear Erin,
Beautifully said.
You have done so much for helping women to become more aware and feel good about themselves. I know Shannon is smiling down on you and all the wonderful work that you do. Every year you are expanding your horizons with offering all kinds of new opportunities for women. Thanks for all you do and who you are.
You are the best!
Love,
Mom
Bravo, Erin. Not so much in a high-five kinda way as in a celebratory hug kinda way. I first met you at one of your earliest seminars. I brought my girls so that they could become aware of the hairy side of reality in a different way than just hearing it from a silly parent (what do we know?)
Since then, through your website and newsletters, I am proud and happy to see how you have embraced your growth in this mission. Not everybody grows. Not everybody embraces it. But you have, and because of GFB millions of people have been touched and changed. Thank God for you.
I also thank him for Shannon. Though she isn’t here with us, she is at home with the Lord and, at once, more alive than she has ever been! Her strength, spirit, and resilience continue to strengthen more women and girls than you will ever know.
I pray that you except the peace in that knowledge. I pray that you embrace the grace that God has allowed through your work in spite of the evil that serves as its springboard.
I look forward to the future of GFB. I am excited for the vision of mind/body/spirit connection; it is essential to satisfy our authentic selves. It is essential for YOU as a leader as well to immerse yourself in self-awareness, your family, and the healing power of forgiveness. You deserve it.
Erin, I and many other people support you all the way!
Erin- You are awesome and have done so much with this program. If the world had more people like you it would be a much better place. You keep doing what your doing because we women need you. You are a true inspiration and we appreciate you and all you do!
God-bless you!