May
8
Yesterday a student emailed me asking for tips on how to help her friend, who was very close with murdered Wesleyan University student Johanna Justin-Jinich. While everyone is different and has their own way of grieving, below are some things to keep in mind when trying to support your friend after a tragedy like this. I’m no grief counsleor, but I hear many stories of homicide in my line of work and I have personally lost a friend to homicide. So here are some things I’ve learned…
1. Don’t send flowers. I remember when my mother-in-law was battling cancer, she used to hate receiving flowers, especially ones with a strong scent. It reminded her of a funeral home. Flowers are often sent in sympathy, so some people can perceive them as constant reminders of the sadness in their life. If you want to send something, I suggest something caring but neutral, like a small basket of treats, a good book or a something else you know your friend would really enjoy based on his/her likes and hobbies. Personally, I’m a big fan of sending comfort things after violence, because a person often feels psychologically unsafe, even if there is no apparent safety threat. Gifts I’ve sent include really soft blankets, pretty journals and cookies/muffins that I personally baked and sent with a handwritten note.
2. Don’t recommend self-defense…yet. Many people refer women who have been touched by violence to the Girls Fight Back website. While I really appreciate the link love, usually people are not ready for ass kicking in the direct aftermath of a homicide. There are stages one must go through – denial, guilt, anger, depression – before making the upward turn towards hope. When you feel they are in a better place emotionally, recommend proactive options to start giving your friend her peace back – like a self-defense class. After the 2005 murder of Johns Hopkins University Alpha Phi President, Linda Trinh, I offered to donate a Girls Fight Back seminar to their chapter. We waited several months before holding that event, and by the time we did, the women were ready to laugh again and learn to fight. It was incredibly healing.
3. Avoid insensitive comments. People ususally say the wrong thing when they are trying to fill a silence. Silence is fine and actually quite normal when there is really nothing to say. (Often the case after a senseless killing like Johanna’s.) Silence is also a great opportunity for a good hug (if they want one – ask first) or verbal reassurance you are there for them. Don’t say things like, “You’ll get over it someday” or or “I wonder what she did to make him snap like that.” In general, now is not the time for finding the bright side or logic in a tragic event. It just sucks, period. Let that dark time be what it is, and know a light will show itself as people go through the grief process. If you want to say something, stick to unconditionally supportive phrases like “No matter what, I’m here for you” or “I will be calling to check up on you over the next few weeks.“ (I prefer telling people I will call them to check in, as opposed to telling them to they call me if they need anything. This takes the burden off them, and places it on me to reach out. And many grieving people don’t want to be a downer to their friends. How many times have you offered someone to call you if they need anything, and they actually took you up on it?)
I hope this helps. Thanks to Kendal for inspiring this post – your support will surely help your friend through this difficult time. My deepest sympathies to all who were affected by Johanna’s murder, as well other violent crimes.
May
6
Thank you Sponsors
Filed Under Erin Weed's Blog, Girls Fight Back! | Leave a Comment
Well the Spring ‘09 Girls Fight Back Tour is officially over, and it was quite a wild ride. It usually takes me a week to settle back home, digest my travels and write about them. A full tour re-cap and photo gallery is coming soon, but for now I wanted to thank the 3 stellar tour sponsors.
STA Travel, the world’s largest student and youth travel agency, prides itself on getting student travelers the best prices. They are constantly working with partners around the globe to get students, teachers, & anyone under 26 the cheapest, most flexible flights and top rated accommodations. STA gave a $100 coupon off a summer vacation to anyone who attended a GFB seminar during this tour – how cool is that? An extra special thanks to Carly Mills, Patrick Evans and Olivia Wong who helped make this tour a huge success.
Alpha Phi International Fraternity is a membership organization dedicated to promoting sisterhood, cultivating leadership, encouraging intellectual curiosity and advocating service. Alpha Phi develops character for a lifetime. OK, that’s their mission statement from their website, but I can say from personal experience that it’s actually true. I first met Shannon McNamara in the chapter room of Alpha Phi at Eastern Illinois University, and both our fates were sealed as sisters more than friends. In the aftermath of her murder, Alpha Phi quickly supported my efforts to start Girls Fight Back and they haven’t stopped since. A special thanks to Arden Schuman & Denise Reens for keeping the belief that we’re all worth fighting for.
The Century Council was founded 1991 and funded by distillers. They are a national, independent, not-for-profit organization headquartered in Arlington, Virginia and are on a crusade to fight drunk driving and stop underage drinking. They were especially supportive of the Stayin’ Alive on Spring Break programs I gave this tour, since these are the weeks that binge drinking and accidents soar. An extra big thank you to Leah Patten for her belief that we can educate young people to make smart decisions about alcohol and safety.
Dec
17
December E-Newsletter
Filed Under Erin Weed's Blog, Girls Fight Back! | 2 Comments
Click here to see the “pretty version” of this e-news!
Happy holidays from Girls Fight Back! I’m Ashley Bruce, the Girls Fight Back intern. I’ll be sending you this e-newsletter going forward, but will always include a note from Erin Weed at the end. We had the most incredible Fall Tour to date these past few months, and it’s looking like the Spring will be even crazier…in a good way! So here’s the latest and greatest news from our headquarters in Colorado…
2009 Girls Fight Back Conference
This summer we’ll be hosting the first-ever Girls Fight Back Conference in beautiful Denver. Women from across the world will come for a long weekend of self-defense and safety training that will blow their minds! Final details are still being finalized, and a formal announcement will be made after the New Year. So stay tuned…
Erin Weed nominated as “Best Female Performer”
Every year, Campus Activities Magazine names the top presenters in the college market. We literally found out TODAY that Erin Weed is a top 5 finalist for the “Best Female Performer” award! While Erin will downplay the significance, it’s a really big deal. Voting for the #1 winner starts in January, so we’ll be sending you a link to cast your vote at that time.
Spring Tour 2009
2008 isn’t over yet, and we are already gearing up for the Girls Fight Back 2009 Spring Tour. Interested in learning more about bringing Erin to speak at your school, college or business? Contact us for pricing and scheduling information. We are also seeking sponsors for the Spring ‘09 Tour. If you work for a company that might be interested, we can send you a Sponsor Info Packet with all the details. Please call 1-866-GFB-2423 or e-mail us.
Stops on the 2008 Fall Tour
Just a quick overview of where Erin has traveled and spoken over the past 3 months…don’t read it too quickly or your head will spin! While on tour, she was also doing non-stop newspaper interviews, radio show chats and live TV appearances.
Texas A&M Commerce, TX
University of Illinois – Chicago Chicago, IL
Muhlenberg College Allentown, PA
New York Life Insurance Co. New York, NY
Baylor College Waco, TX
Wake Forest University Winston-Salem, NC
Ithaca College Ithaca, NY
Missouri State University Springfield, MO
Colorado Non-Profit Conf. Denver, CO
Carnegie Mellon Pittsburg, PA
Lynchburg College Lynchburg, VA
Florida Atlantic University Boca Raton, FL
Northern Illinois University DeKalb, IL
Lake Zurich High School Palatine, IL
University of North Florida Jacksonville, FL
Blauer Self Defense Conf. Virginia Beach, VA
Conference on Sexual Assault in our Schools Orlando, FL
Towson University Towson, MD
SUNY- Oswego Oswego, NY
Michigan State University East Lansing, MI
Colorado Mountain College Glenwood Springs, CO
Vanguard Corporation Malvern, PA
Southern Illinois University Edwardsville, IL
Eastern Illinois University Charleston, IL
Lake Forest College Lake Forest, IL
University of Northern Iowa Cedar Fall, IA
BACCHUS General Assembly Columbus, OH
San Jose State University San Jose, CA
SUNY – Albany Albany, NY
Happy Holidays and a Fall Tour Re-Cap from Erin Weed:
On the eve of my final tour stop in Albany, NY I checked into my hotel around midnight. It was a long day of travel, originating in San Francisco. Upon check-in, the Jerry-Garcia-look-a-like desk clerk exclaimed, “Congratulations! You now have diamond status in our frequent guest program!” I responded, “Cool. What does that mean?” And he replied, “That means you travel too much. And your reward? A broken elevator and a 4 flight walk up to your room.” Ain’t my life sexy?
Indeed, in the past few months I have traveled a lot. Since the tour kick-off on August 26th, I spoke 29 times, rode on 37 airplanes and stayed in 24 different hotels. I gave over 50 media interviews and estimate that I spoke to over 20,000 people across the nation at the live seminars. Looking back over my twitter posts, I’m again reminded of Jerry Garcia with this famous quote, “What a long strange trip it’s been.” If I had to pick the strangest part? Probably the man I met on an airplane to Ohio that was a pirate…eye patch, peg leg, the whole nine yards. If you’d like to see a photo gallery of my tour, click here. (Sorry, I felt weird about asking the pirate for a picture, but in retrospect I totally should have.) But the Fall Tour was so much more than weird stuff. It also introduced me to some incredibly inspiring people. I met hundreds of survivors of violence who shared their stories with me, and also women who have fought back and escaped safely. Both stories bring tears to my eyes, as none of us should have to face these terrible situations. Meeting each of them strengthened my belief that every one of us is worth fighting for.
This Fall I also started sharing our big plans to hold the first-ever Girls Fight Back Conference this summer in Denver, and the feedback was tremendous. We’re expecting an incredible crowd of fight girls to converge in the Mile High City for the best women’s self-defense training opportunity you can get. (Stay tuned for official details after the New Year) In 2009 I will also begin looking for young women to train and certify as GFB Speakers/Instructors, since the demand for programs across the country has become too great to fill on my own. This is what I refer to as a “good problem” and I look forward to someday soon retiring myself. After all, I’m 31 years old now…my aching bones!
I want to thank our Fall Tour Sponsors, Alpha Phi and Intelius, for supporting Girls Fight Back during this tour. Specifically I’d like to thank Melissa Korb, Denise Reens and Arden Schuman. I also want to thank the 29 colleges, conferences and corporations who hosted me since September. I’m enjoying my time at home again, and trying to convince my pug Zoe that I’m not leaving again for awhile. (So far, she’s not buying it.) I’d also like to thank my team for supporting me through the tour: Camella Walraven (GFB Program Director), Ashley Bruce (GFB Intern) and Pete Lacis (Web Guru). See their photos & bios here.
In January 2002, I started giving the Girls Fight Back program around the country full time. I thought it would only be for a few months or a year, tops. But as we inch into January 2009, I’m shocked that it will be 7 years. It’s said in the religion of Buddhism, that the Buddha walked 7 steps at his birth. Now that’s an athletic baby! I feel that GFB has been similarly blessed with the ability to do incredible things in a very short amount of time. When things are meant to be, I suppose anything is possible.
During this time of holiday magic, I wish for you snow lightly falling, friends and family abounding and an angel on your shoulder wherever you may go.
Strong. Resilient. Spirited. Unified.
Erin Weed
Founder, Girls Fight Back!
*New Address*
Girls Fight Back
P.O. Box 6953
Westminster, CO 80021
Contact us to book a seminar on the Spring ‘09 Tour
Become a member of Girls Fight Back!
Aug
27
UIC – Chicago
Filed Under Erin Weed's Blog, Girls Fight Back!, Video | Leave a Comment
This morning I made the flight to my homeland, lovely Chicago Illinois. Tonight I had the pleasure to give the How to Be a Bad Victim program to about 50 amazing college women, most of whom were in the thick of sorority recruitment. I really can’t think of a better way to kick off the school year than to give serious attention to issues like personal safety and self-defense. And on campuses like UIC in the middle of a transforming urban area, it’s especially important to be proactive about these issues. We had a great time, and I want to send out a huge thank you to Veronica Rodriguez for pulling together an excellent event, even in the madness of back to school!
Aug
26
West Texas A&M
Filed Under Erin Weed's Blog, Girls Fight Back! | Leave a Comment
After many, many months of planning the Fall 2008 Tour officially kicked off today! I flew to Dallas this morning, and met up with one of my best friends from college, Janel Bommaiah (aka, J-Dogg). We met through Alpha Phi (one of our Fall Tour sponsors), the same sorority which introduced me to Shannon McNamara. Janel now lives in the Dallas area with her husband Vinny, who recently opened a branch of State Farm Insurance there. Anywho, J-dogg and I road-tripped over to Commerce, TX where i kicked off the fall tour with the Girls Fight Back program. It was a full-throttle, no holds barred yee-haw good time. A huge thanks to event organizers, Amber VanLue and Connie Mears, for arranging an awesome launch to our 20-city fall tour.
Jul
10
Death in Alpha Phi
Filed Under Erin Weed's Blog, In the News | Leave a Comment
I was contacted by my Alpha Phi national headquarters, informing me of an Alpha Phi alum who was murdered in February. Her name was Lindsay Graygo, and she was an A-phi at Penn State. Her sister is also an Alpha Phi at the same campus. A suspect in her murder was recently arrested, and hearings are to begin in July. Wishing all who knew Lindsay any possible peace and comfort right now.
Click here to read a recent article.
Apr
30
Univ. of New Hampshire
Filed Under Erin Weed's Blog | Leave a Comment
Yesterday I was on an early flight to Boston for my final college speaking engagement of the Spring Tour. Oh, the fun it has been these past few months! Yesterday’s flight was quite special, because my good friend Ross Szabo gifted me Premiere status on United Airlines. Seriously, there is no better gift for someone like me. I heart Ross. In exchange, I promised him my first born child. So I basked in those extra five inches of leg room for the entire duration of the flight. The only tough thing about flying West towards East, is the fact that you lose a few hours somewhere at 35,000 feet. So by the time I landed, it was already 3pm and I had to be in Durham, NH (about 1.5 hours from Boston) by 6. Drove like a maniac to get there in time, but hey, it’s Boston so I fit right in with all the other psycho drivers! I spoke at UNH, and it was a STRONG crowd…as you can see from our picture displaying some hot bicep action. Overall, a great program. An extra thanks to the event organizer Lauren, along with my new Alpha Phi friends.
Erin Weed on Facebook
