Feb

2

Big Hairy Scary Things

Filed Under Erin Weed's Blog, Peace & Happiness | 3 Comments

Each year, I try to do something that scares me – I call it a “Big Hairy Scary Thing.” (BHST) Now I’m not talking about “haunted house” or “Brazilian wax” sort of scary. It’s got to be something that actually makes you better, helps overcome a limiting belief or teaches you something from the experience.  While writing this post, I realized I’ve been doing this for ten years now – ever since graduating college. Here is a concise list of the past 10 years of my self-inflicted terror:

2000 – Moved from the cozy confines of my parents’ house in Chicago to Hoboken, NJ.  Got a job working in broadcasting in New York City. Moved in with my boyfriend and horrified my God-lovin’ mother by doing so. Learned that you reach an age where your parents actually don’t know best anymore, as much as they’d like to disagree. (I love you Mom!)

2001 – Fear pretty much summed up the year 2001, and my BHST was to learn to fight with some of the best self-defense experts in the world.  Shannon McNamara was murdered in June, followed by the fall of the Twin Towers that September. I commuted into the World Trade Center every day at the time, and fate made me late for work that day.  I learned to grieve, to feel fear, and to not be paralyzed by it.

2002 – Quit my job at Miramax Films. Decided to officially incorporate Girls Fight Back, and begin speaking professionally as a full-time career. Learned that starting a business is one of the biggest, hairiest things a person can do!  Also learned that most people fear public speaking more than death itself, but thankfully that was not the case for me. Otherwise 2002 would have brought a lot more pit stains.

2003 – Did a national TV appearance, in front of a live studio audience. I was a guest on the John Walsh Show on NBC (watch it here), and almost peed my pants. Did a few more interviews in 2003. Learned that sometimes big, hairy, scary things tend to become less intimidating the more you face them. In 2003 I also faced Shannon’s murderer in a 2-week murder trial. It still reigns as the worst two weeks of my life. I learned the incredible power of friends and family who rally around a loved one…even when that loved one is gone.

2004 – Got married. (Not so scary – but certainly significant.) Was offered a book deal with a top publisher in New York.  Decided to walk away from it, since the terms gave me no control of final edits (including Shannon’s story).  Then got sued by my book agent for a multitude of long-winded reasons.  After settling, decided to give the middle finger to the book publishing industry and self-published instead. Learned that sometimes, you just gotta do things yourself. (Except when it comes to contracts – always have a lawyer look at those.) Also learned how lucky I was (still am) to have a partner so supportive of my mission.  Surround yourself with people who believe in you!

2005 – Wrote my book: Girls Fight Back! The College Girl’s Guide to Protecting Herself. It was a new, second version that was totally on my own terms. For ADHD people like myself, this is beyond big, hairy and scary! I set a deadline of Cinco de Mayo, and rewarded myself with a top shelf margarita when I accomplished it.  I learned that trusting intuition (even when it leads you down a more difficult path) is the best advice I’ve ever given or taken. I also learned how motivated I can become when a margarita is at stake.

2006 – Opened New Jersey’s first women’s self-defense school in Hoboken. Released my book. Lived on airplanes. Did more speaking events than I thought possible for a human being. Learned I took on too much, and that I’m a serial over-committer. Also learned how to do yoga and meditation in an attempt to hold it all together. Sadly, I learned that I’m not a gifted yogi or zen meditation guru.  I still struggle with over-commitment and breathing in general…

2007 – Closed the self-defense school and my husband quit his job. We moved to Colorado just because we love it here.  I learned that driving 1,800 miles behind a Penske truck that maxes out at 59 mph really sucks.  Hubby learned that actually driving said truck sucks much worse.

2008 – We decided to start a family. Got pregnant. Miscarried. Got pregnant again. Learned we are really not in control, and sometimes you have to believe in something bigger than your day planner.

2009 – ‘Twas the year of replication!  Found and trained a team of speakers to give the Girls Fight Back seminar. Learned that if you build it, they will come – and often times they will surprise you with their awesomeness. Also had our first baby, a boy named Miles.  Learned that natural childbirth hurts…a lot. (Read my Birth Story here) But also acquired a new respect for the female body and spirit. I learned to love deeper, have patience and be productive on just 3 hours of sleep.

So what’s on deck for this year?  After watching Drew Barrymore’s directing debut of “Whip It” last week, I’m thinking Roller Derby.  My name will be Weed Wacker.

What are your big hairy scary things this year?

Jan

1

Top 10 Things I Learned in 2008

Filed Under Erin Weed's Blog | 4 Comments

Sometimes we plan too much for the future without reflecting upon the past.  Instead of making 2009 resolutions today, I’d like to re-cap what I learned in 2008.  Hopefully, this will help me realize what I need to work on in the coming year.  In no particular order, here you go:  The Top 10 Things I Learned this Year.

1.  I learned to take big, scary risks.  I hired a staff, got an office, produced an expensive live DVD of the Girls Fight Back seminar, had my own radio show and did more speaking engagements than ever in my career.  Risk is uncomfortable, but also invigorating!

2.  I learned it’s okay to have high expectations of people, and how to be equally prepared for pleasant or unpleasant surprises.  This year, I had both.  In the end, I learned a lot about being a boss and building a solid team.

3.  I learned that travel is cool and fun sometimes, but it’s also a bitch when you travel for a living.  Funny, but I seem to re-learn this one every year.

4.  I learned that Girls Fight Back is destined to be much bigger than me.  It’s time to grow.  A big announcement is coming soon, but here’s a hint:  GFB will be hiring Speakers/Instructors this year.  For real.

5.  I learned a lot about money…how to make it, how to lose it, how to manage it, how to invest it and how to beef up or slim down when necessary.  2009 will be more mobile, leaner, smarter and stronger…all with the help of Mint.com.  (Greatest website ever, IMHO.)

6.  I learned how much I want to become a mother someday.  I miscarried my first pregnancy in August, and several weeks later I began my Fall Tour.  It was sad, if not the hardest loss I’ve endured next to Shannon’s murder in 2001.  While this sort of life event can make a person quite bitter or envious, really I just learned what a miracle life is.

7.  I learned to let go.  Especially after the miscarriage, I started to realize how NOT in control we are of many things.  Sometimes there is peace in knowing we simply aren’t in charge, even for control freaks like myself.  I learned to stop and listen to what God or the Universe has in store for me, instead of me always calling the shots.

8.  I learned to think globally.  This year I began to dream bigger than my own country, and envision what is possible for the world. I met a woman named Lee Sinclair (Founder of I’m Worth Defending) who taught me about violence happening across the globe in Africa.  I’ll be going to Kenya next year to teach women’s safety and self-defense, and can’t wait to humbly contribute in any way I can.

9.  I learned to choose friends and critics wisely.  Everyone has an opinion, and you can’t be all things to all people. Haters (especially anonymous ones) are everywhere, but they’re only as important as you let them be.  So are friends – keep them close and show appreciation often.

10.  I learned to breathe.  It might sound crazy, but getting serious about yoga and meditation this year taught me how stressful my life was.  Literally, I was holding my breath much of the time.  It’s an ongoing struggle to keep my life within a reasonable balance – but who ISN’T struggling with this!  Baby steps, right?

What did you learn this year?  Please comment.

Aug

19

Shoshoni

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Ever have the feeling like you just want to get away?  Yeah, me too.  So many wonderful things are happening right now, but even so, things can get overwhelming.  Normally I’m the type of person who runs myself into the ground, totally crashes and burns, then spends a few weeks putting the pieces back together.  But in my old age, I’m starting to take better care of myself and recognize the warning signs of an impending meltdown.  Living in Colorado is pretty awesome for getting away, breathing the fresh air and YOGA!  Yoga and meditation are two of my favorite things, and I find it so incredible how as Americans we are having to learn how to breathe and stop and relax.  I found myself needing a reminder in all of those things, so enter Shoshoni.  This is a yoga ashram in Rollinsville, Colorado and it’s run by yogis living there.  I had a blissful weekend of thinking, meditating, stretching, relaxing, praying, eating vegetarian, writing and meeting wonderful new people.  The first night I also spent some time cursing, as I was the only fool in a tent during the craziest thunderstorm you’ve ever seen. (thus, I fled to my car for cover)  Check out photos of my zen weekend by clicking here.