Weed Feed
Feb
2
Big Hairy Scary Things
Filed Under Peace & Happiness, Random | 4 Comments
Each year, I try to do something that scares me – I call it a “Big Hairy Scary Thing.” (BHST) Now I’m not talking about “haunted house” or “Brazilian wax” sort of scary. It’s got to be something that actually makes you better, helps overcome a limiting belief or teaches you something from the experience. While writing this post, I realized I’ve been doing this for ten years now – ever since graduating college. Here is a concise list of the past 10 years of my self-inflicted terror:
2000 – Moved from the cozy confines of my parents’ house in Chicago to Hoboken, NJ. Got a job working in broadcasting in New York City. Moved in with my boyfriend and horrified my God-lovin’ mother by doing so. Learned that you reach an age where your parents actually don’t know best anymore, as much as they’d like to disagree. (I love you Mom!)
2001 – Fear pretty much summed up the year 2001, and my BHST was to learn to fight with some of the best self-defense experts in the world. Shannon McNamara was murdered in June, followed by the fall of the Twin Towers that September. I commuted into the World Trade Center every day at the time, and fate made me late for work that day. I learned to grieve, to feel fear, and to not be paralyzed by it.
2002 – Quit my job at Miramax Films. Decided to officially incorporate Girls Fight Back, and begin speaking professionally as a full-time career. Learned that starting a business is one of the biggest, hairiest things a person can do! Also learned that most people fear public speaking more than death itself, but thankfully that was not the case for me. Otherwise 2002 would have brought a lot more pit stains.
2003 – Did a national TV appearance, in front of a live studio audience. I was a guest on the John Walsh Show on NBC (watch it here), and almost peed my pants. Did a few more interviews in 2003. Learned that sometimes big, hairy, scary things tend to become less intimidating the more you face them. In 2003 I also faced Shannon’s murderer in a 2-week murder trial. It still reigns as the worst two weeks of my life. I learned the incredible power of friends and family who rally around a loved one…even when that loved one is gone.
2004 – Got married. (Not so scary – but certainly significant.) Was offered a book deal with a top publisher in New York. Decided to walk away from it, since the terms gave me no control of final edits (including Shannon’s story). Then got sued by my book agent for a multitude of long-winded reasons. After settling, decided to give the middle finger to the book publishing industry and self-published instead. Learned that sometimes, you just gotta do things yourself. (Except when it comes to contracts – always have a lawyer look at those.) Also learned how lucky I was (still am) to have a partner so supportive of my mission. Surround yourself with people who believe in you!
2005 – Wrote my book: Girls Fight Back! The College Girl’s Guide to Protecting Herself. It was a new, second version that was totally on my own terms. For ADHD people like myself, this is beyond big, hairy and scary! I set a deadline of Cinco de Mayo, and rewarded myself with a top shelf margarita when I accomplished it. I learned that trusting intuition (even when it leads you down a more difficult path) is the best advice I’ve ever given or taken. I also learned how motivated I can become when a margarita is at stake.
2006 – Opened New Jersey’s first women’s self-defense school in Hoboken. Released my book. Lived on airplanes. Did more speaking events than I thought possible for a human being. Learned I took on too much, and that I’m a serial over-committer. Also learned how to do yoga and meditation in an attempt to hold it all together. Sadly, I learned that I’m not a gifted yogi or zen meditation guru. I still struggle with over-commitment and breathing in general…
2007 – Closed the self-defense school and my husband quit his job. We moved to Colorado just because we love it here. I learned that driving 1,800 miles behind a Penske truck that maxes out at 59 mph really sucks. Hubby learned that actually driving said truck sucks much worse.
2008 – We decided to start a family. Got pregnant. Miscarried. Got pregnant again. Learned we are really not in control, and sometimes you have to believe in something bigger than your day planner.
2009 – ‘Twas the year of replication! Found and trained a team of speakers to give the Girls Fight Back seminar. Learned that if you build it, they will come – and often times they will surprise you with their awesomeness. Also had our first baby, a boy named Miles. Learned that natural childbirth hurts…a lot. (Read my Birth Story here) But also acquired a new respect for the female body and spirit. I learned to love deeper, have patience and be productive on just 3 hours of sleep.
So what’s on deck for this year? After watching Drew Barrymore’s directing debut of “Whip It” last week, I’m thinking Roller Derby. My name will be Weed Wacker.
What are your big hairy scary things this year?
Jan
1
Top 10 Things I Learned in 2008
Filed Under Random | 4 Comments
Sometimes we plan too much for the future without reflecting upon the past. Instead of making 2009 resolutions today, I’d like to re-cap what I learned in 2008. Hopefully, this will help me realize what I need to work on in the coming year. In no particular order, here you go: The Top 10 Things I Learned this Year.
1. I learned to take big, scary risks. I hired a staff, got an office, produced an expensive live DVD of the Girls Fight Back seminar, had my own radio show and did more speaking engagements than ever in my career. Risk is uncomfortable, but also invigorating!
2. I learned it’s okay to have high expectations of people, and how to be equally prepared for pleasant or unpleasant surprises. This year, I had both. In the end, I learned a lot about being a boss and building a solid team.
3. I learned that travel is cool and fun sometimes, but it’s also a bitch when you travel for a living. Funny, but I seem to re-learn this one every year.
4. I learned that Girls Fight Back is destined to be much bigger than me. It’s time to grow. A big announcement is coming soon, but here’s a hint: GFB will be hiring Speakers/Instructors this year. For real.
5. I learned a lot about money…how to make it, how to lose it, how to manage it, how to invest it and how to beef up or slim down when necessary. 2009 will be more mobile, leaner, smarter and stronger…all with the help of Mint.com. (Greatest website ever, IMHO.)
6. I learned how much I want to become a mother someday. I miscarried my first pregnancy in August, and several weeks later I began my Fall Tour. It was sad, if not the hardest loss I’ve endured next to Shannon’s murder in 2001. While this sort of life event can make a person quite bitter or envious, really I just learned what a miracle life is.
7. I learned to let go. Especially after the miscarriage, I started to realize how NOT in control we are of many things. Sometimes there is peace in knowing we simply aren’t in charge, even for control freaks like myself. I learned to stop and listen to what God or the Universe has in store for me, instead of me always calling the shots.
8. I learned to think globally. This year I began to dream bigger than my own country, and envision what is possible for the world. I met a woman named Lee Sinclair (Founder of I’m Worth Defending) who taught me about violence happening across the globe in Africa. I’ll be going to Kenya next year to teach women’s safety and self-defense, and can’t wait to humbly contribute in any way I can.
9. I learned to choose friends and critics wisely. Everyone has an opinion, and you can’t be all things to all people. Haters (especially anonymous ones) are everywhere, but they’re only as important as you let them be. So are friends – keep them close and show appreciation often.
10. I learned to breathe. It might sound crazy, but getting serious about yoga and meditation this year taught me how stressful my life was. Literally, I was holding my breath much of the time. It’s an ongoing struggle to keep my life within a reasonable balance – but who ISN’T struggling with this! Baby steps, right?
What did you learn this year? Please comment.
Aug
20
DVD Launch & August E-News
Filed Under Girls Fight Back!, Random, Safety & Self-Defense, Video | 7 Comments
This has been a very long time coming…and today I am happy to announce the official release of our first DVD. It’s called Girls Fight Back: Live from Denver! If you haven’t had the opportunity to see the seminar live or just want a refresher, it’s the same program I give to 100 schools, colleges and corporations every year. We shot it with a live studio audience at Comcast Studios in Denver this summer, and it was such a fun experience. There are two versions of this DVD. First, you can buy the consumer version for home use. Or if you would like to show the DVD to an audience or classroom, you can purchase the Public Performance Kit. In addition to the DVD, the kit includes a CD-ROM with worksheets, discussion questions, instructor guide, posters, handouts and a public performance license. You can show the DVD as many times as you’d like. The launching of the DVD is a major milestone in steps towards the mission of Girls Fight Back: To educate women across the globe about personal safety & self-defense.
FREE SHIPPING on all DVD purchases until this Friday, Aug. 22nd! Click here to buy it.
So why the DVD? With rising travel costs, my schedule becoming busier than ever and the demand for programs constantly on the rise..it was long overdue. Furthermore, this past year my husband and I made the decision to start a family, which isn’t easy given my current lifestyle. The good news is we found out I was pregnant in July, and we were given a due date of March 2009. Nervous and excited, my staff and I got to work trying to figure out what the Spring ’09 tour could look like (big prego girl teaching self-defense?) and all the other plans that might need re-adjusting. It was a blissful few weeks, and for the first time in a long while, I started seeing myself in another light besides a speaker, author and fighter.
But here’s the not-so-good news: Two weeks ago, we had a miscarriage. This is the first time I am openly discussing it. As these past two weeks have unfolded, some people looked upon me with pity, sadness or avoided eye contact altogether. There have been awkward moments and I have felt myself going to great lengths to make sure people didn’t feel uncomfortable. Some individuals simply didn’t know what to say, so they said nothing at all. Or on the flip side, some assured me to “keep my chin up” or that “I’d get over it someday.”
I started wishing this experience would just go away, disappear and I’d never talk about it again. I could throw myself into work or travel or writing another book just to stay distracted. And in that moment of wanting to shrink into the darkness, lock this experience in a small box of sadness and hide it in the attic of my heart…that’s when I realized this situation had similarities to what society tells victims of violence to do with their pain. Don’t make others uncomfortable. Don’t talk about it. Keep it a secret. Get on with your life. And we wonder why rape victims often don’t report assaults! And why survivors of childhood sex abuse don’t speak about it until their 40th birthday! Or why our society is a massive cluster of people who are hurting, which wreaks havoc on our ability to succeed, to love and to break the cycle!
The first step to finding peace is sharing the stories that bond together in our human experience. We have to start tearing down our brick walls. We need to begin opening up, even when it’s hard or there is a lurking fear of judgment. When we feel the need to turn our back on the truth, instead we need to grab a flashlight and investigate deep within. Above all, we need to support each other. We need to be there to catch our loved ones with a giant net as we leap out the 10th story window of our respective comfort zones. If you are someone who has been carrying a heavy burden, I can assure you that for every insensitive comment you will hear, there will be one thousand more hugs, words of support, good vibes and friends you didn’t even know you had.
Next week I begin my Fall speaking tour in Texas. I have taken the time to write, think, cry, talk, process and heal. I can honestly say that I’m back to my old self and at peace with what has happened…perhaps even a bit wiser than before. All the great things at GFB headquarters are moving ahead with gusto. I am excited that when I can’t be somewhere to give the GFB seminar, the DVD can be shown in my place. I am elated that we have been presented with opportunities to take the GFB mission to an international level. Blessings are everywhere, but we must choose to see them for what they are.
I went to a yoga retreat this past weekend to get some zen before diving into the Fall Tour, and I camped the first night. I endured a howling, scary thunder and lightning storm alone in my little tent. While getting pelted by hail I thought to myself, “I really don’t need this right now.” But how symbolic of my past two weeks! I consciously decided, after fleeing to my SUV for cover, that my challenges were finished for now and it’s time to start over. The next morning, in anticipation of more bad weather, I upgraded from my tent to a cabin. Ironically, I was placed in a cabin named Ganesh, who is the Hindu God of Removing Obstacles and New Beginnings.
And so it is.
Weedbook
